The First Day Of The Rest of Your Life: Introducing The VLOG
Today is the day you've been waiting for ever since Chelsea Dagger invented the internet. Why? Because today is the day that SparkLife debuts a technology unrivaled anywhere in the world: the VLOG. The VLOG was created by the SparkLife team (false: it was created by these people, but who cares) in order to bring you a vision of the future, a vision of PARADISE and SWEAT and GENIUS. And today, you will witness that vision in all its horrifying, low-quality glory.
Upon seeing this VLOG, you will have questions. You will ask yourself the following:
"Is Megan Prietzel a wizard? She seems like a wizard."
"Why does Chelsea Dagger have so many chins?"
"Is Jenny the Intern ACTUALLY Emily Winter, or is she just pretending to be?"
"How can this simultaneously be the worst and the best video that I have ever seen?"
"Surely Chelsea Dagger is related to Robert De Niro! Why, she must be! That jawline! That forehead! The stunning conviction of her words!"
None of these questions will be answered, but by the end of the VLOG, it will matter not. For you will be filled with such hope and love and overwhelming nausea that you will be able to formulate only one thought: MORE VLOG. And more VLOG you shall have, soon enough. But for today, enjoy this huge, giant gift, for which you shall never, ever forgive us; it is our dignity, which we have given up for you.
PRESS PLAY, BITCHEZ.
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In case you were left totally baffled by that video (Chelsea Dagger's disarming good looks often have that effect), it may help to read a brief summary of the plot, as it was originally conceived:
Chelsea and Emily want to film a show about their office, but things go awry when Chelsea decides that they need costumes, props, a dance routine, and a boat.
WOW, THAT WAS SO MUCH DULLER THAN YOU EVER COULD HAVE IMAGINED, RIGHT?! Now watch the VLOG again and see those magic words turned into sparkling, hellish reality.
Do you love this vlog more than you love your own family? What should Emily and Chelsea vlog about next?