Auntie SparkNotes: Promiscuous Girls Aren't The Problem

Auntie, we have a problem.

I'm sure we all have those issues with girls of the promiscuous type who steal all the man meat and leave those of us with values and personalities with the unattractive and undesirable ones, but what do we do when one of our best friends is one of those girls?

My friend, let's call her Annie, likes boys. A lot. So much that she basically just messages random hot ones on Facebook, and two days later they have a make out day planned. This wouldn't be such a problem if she didn't do this with every boy who I have labeled in my mind as possible boyfriend material. There's a boy, let's call him Robby. Annie and Robby dated way back when, and they're good friends now. Robby is my good friend, and I have developed possible feelings for Robby that I think, with a little work, he might return. Unfortunately, Annie SWOOPED IN ON HER BROOM OF FLIRTINESS and asked him for a makeout day. This happens A LOT. What can I do?

You're not gonna like this, Sparkler, but it has to be said: as bitter as you are about Annie bogarting all the man-meat, you could really stand to learn a thing or two from her approach. Because where you see a promiscuous ho, I see a girl with a bold personality, rockin' confidence, and seriously enviable flirting skills—and whose only crime, as far as I can tell, is enjoying the company of dudes.

Which, at the risk of stating the obvious, isn't a crime at all. And while it might make you feel better to call her promiscuous, I've got news for you: it also makes you look petty and jealous, it doesn't do anything to solve your problem, and—on a wider scale—it just perpetuates the harmful idea that confident, initiative-taking, sexually-empowered girls are a bunch of defective, amoral sluts. (Which is a sexist double standard that [OMGPLEASE] really, seriously needs to die, like, yesterday.)

And while you've convinced yourself that Annie is the problem, the only thing actually keeping you from scoring some man-meat of your own is...well, you. And while you don't need to start scheduling makeouts with random Facebook hotties, you should definitely take a cue or two from Annie when it comes to unapologetically pursuing what you want. In fact, as long as you're only labeling these guys as boyfriend material in your mind, then you can't even really fault her for stealing them out from under you. I mean, how would she know? Screaming "DIBS!" inside your head is a good first step, but if you never make your interest known to the wider world, then you can't be surprised when an eligible dude is snapped up by someone with more initiative.

So give the name-calling a rest—you're so much better than that!—and focus on channeling your internal desires into some external action, beginning with the part where you say, out loud, "I like that guy!" If Annie is really your friend, then she'll naturally avoid pursuing the people you've expressed an interest in. (Especially since, as you've pointed out, she's more interested in Boys in general than in one boy in particular.) And then, don a snugly-fitting pair of Confidence Pants and start flirting. Because as nice as it might be to sit passively in an ivory tower and wait for some guy to notice that you're up there, your chances (and your sanity) are much better-served by taking the reins on your own life and going after the things that you want.

Not only will this get you on the road to landing whichever dude you desire—when it comes to catching a guy's interest, being into him is pretty much the most powerfully attractive thing you can do—but it'll do a nice job of killing that nasty ball of resentment you've been sitting on.

And who knows? One day you might find yourself scheduling a Makeout Day of your very own.

Questions? Comments? Requests for a Makeout Day? Leave them in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.

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