Being the firstborn is the best. Not only will you be the first child to drive the family minivan, but you’re likely the kid with better genes (all the good ones are given away first—that’s why your lil sis has that massive unibrow, duh!). As the oldest, your job is to mold the mind of your younger sibs to help them reach their maximum potential, and be almost as awesome as you! How are you going to be the best big bro or sis? We’ll tell you—because SparkNotes is basically your awesome, genderless, omnipresent sibling with awesome hair.
1. Know when to help them cheat. When your little sister accidentally spills food coloring on your kitchen rug because she was trying to dye a banana red (she’s really into experiments with fruit right now), don’t rat her out to your mom. Help her clean up (make her do all the actual “work,” but explain to her how it’s done). When your mom comes home and wonders why the floor and her sink rug look all spiffy, praise your little sib, but try to sound casual. "I don’t know how to explain it; she just started cleaning for no reason! She really loves scrubbing. I mean, check out this floor!” Not only have you helped your sis out, but now your mom knows who to go when she needs a toilet bowl cleaned.
2. Make forts together. This is self-explanatory. Forts in the basement built with all your mom’s old blankets are the first step to building lifelong familial bonds. Everybody knows that, right?
3. Correct your mother’s fashion faux pas. Remember how crappy it felt when you were in 2nd grade and your mother took a soup bowl, placed in on your big old head, and started cutting around it with a scissors meant for meat (not pretty blond hair)? You’ve barely recovered from this traumatic experience, and are even finally getting not-totally-grossed-out stares from the girls in your grade now that your mom has stopped insisting you wear pajamas under your overalls. Save your sib from these humiliations you know all too well. When your mom has dressed your little brother as if he's an elderly Amish farmer, stick up for him. When she parts his hair way too far to the side, mess it up. Bonus: having a better-looking younger sib will only make you a hotter commodity.
4. Let them imitate. We know it drives you crazy when your lil sib repeats everything you say, imitating your gestures and your tone of voice. But know that they are imitating you because they want to be you—and that’s so flattering. It's your job to set a good example. Teach them a jump shot if you’re an athlete; see if you can get your sis to copy your form. If you’re a smart kid, read the same books together at the same time. If your little sib becomes your shadow and starts to drive you nuts, we only ask that you don’t suggest he follow you off a cliff.
How are you being a good older brother or sis? Help a sistah out and share your tips below!
Related post: Curing the Younger Sibling Blues
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