Oh no, you guys, the supermoon! We forgot about the supermoon! The one time in 18 years when you can strike up a conversation about the phases of the moon without being an astronomer or wizard, and we missed it.
Of course, the event did fall on a Saturday, so most of you were probably busy going on sexy dates or reading about bees at the library or whatever it is people do when they're not appreciating planetary motion. We're not entirely sure. This is why we'd worked really hard on a kickin' rad party to celebrate the event, which we then forgot about, so its radness will now have to wait until 2029 to be gauged. But here's what you should have done last Saturday.
- You'd have started by sending out invitations to everybody you know who gets really excited over the idea of the moon appearing 14% larger than usual. Having now invited exactly no people, you could then have just just invited everybody you know. Most would have scoffed, and a few would have been like "Um, supermoon? It's called a perigee-syzygy, come on," but at least some would have accepted your invitation to Thanks For The Moonmories 2011. (You would ideally have thought of a better title.)
- Everyone could have worn her finest moon-related apparel, e.g. Moon Boots and those shirts with wolves and moons on them. These are available from any local vintage store or nerd.
- If you've spent your life ashamed that you own a telescope, this could have been your big opportunity. "The moon looks even bigger through this," you'd have announced, dramatically brandishing the telescope that you had been carrying behind your back for the past two hours, and everyone would have cooed and fawned over your impressive telescope. But now the supermoon is gone and your telescope is stupid again.
- This would have been a great time to engage in lycanthropy or lycanthropic cosplay. Normally, turning into a werewolf and eating a human is illegal, while dressing up like a werewolf and gnawing on somebody is, at the very least, awkward. But just this once, you could have gestured helplessly at the moon when the police arrived and pointed out that this was a supermoon. "Well, it is pretty big," they would have admitted.
- With an extra-bright moon, the nighttime would have been ideal for solving mysteries. If you live near a spooky abandoned amusement park or a haunted mine, this would have been your chance to have zany adventures with your friends while searching for clues. Too late now, though. Every mystery just turns out to be a belligerent old man dressed like a ghost anyway.
- Everyone would have shared a moon-related dinner of astronaut ice cream, MoonPies, and RC Cola, after which everyone not incapacitated by sugar and Moon Boots would have had to go to the emergency room.
- The surviving partygoers could have paired off for a romantic moonlit stroll, except in Washington D.C., where the event appears to have only been romantic for necromancers.
Were you feeling an extra gravitational pull last Saturday? We just broke out in hives. :/
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