My French Adventure: Part 4!

LadyM is experiencing a bit of culture shock—but hey, at least the baguettes are good!—Sparkitors

So. You know about my school, and you know about my tour of Paris. Today, let's discuss some of my day to day [mis]adventures as I go about my life abroad. But first, Sparklers, a VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION. As you know, I've been recommending French language songs with each post. Quick poll: what is the optimum number of songs to include with each post to ensure that you get your fill but to avoid overwhelming you?

Now, onto the good stuff.

The Crises:

First crisis: even with my adaptor, MY HAIR STRAIGHTENER WOULDN'T WORK!!!!! I didn't know why, I only knew that this was the most tragic thing that has happened to me since my dad stepped on my pet snail in the 2nd grade. Just when I thought that I would be doomed to 3 months of frizzy horribleness, Fossette stepped in and saved the day. Apparently my straightener likes her adaptor better. Now I can happily continue burning my forehead.

Second crisis: My laptop plug wouldn't fit in the converter! After some hysterics, I played around with it and found out that I needed to push the plug really hard while jiggling the prongs, and I would again be able to charge my computer. (Please note how carefully I phrased that to avoid a That's What She Said joke).

Stereotype, Much?

Thesis: The French love their bread.

Supporting Point 1: When the brioche (a fancy, breakfasty bread) didn't turn out quite right, it was a topic of conversation with every person we saw for a week. And each new person offered advice on how to fix the problem.

Supporting Point 2: Walking to the bakery every day for a new baguette. I'm going to say it gloatingly: Sparklers, the bread you had for lunch sucks supremely next to the bread I am eating right now (Less gloatingly: my superior bread may cause me to gain 10 superior pounds).

Cooking with Fossette: I can't cook. And neither can Fossette. Yet, for some inexplicable and ill advised reason, we keep trying. Some wisdom gained:

-If you're making quiche and are out of fresh cream, sour cream is not an adequate substitute.

-If you're making macaroons and you halve the recipe, you should probably consider halving the time you leave them in the oven.

-If you're making jerky, and you smell smoke... do something about it. Tout de suite!

Kissing:  The French kiss everybody, once on each cheek (twice on each cheek, in some regions). This is an extremely inefficient way of greeting people. They spend, like, an hour kissing all of their friends. By the time they're done saying "Bonjour," it's time to go! And as a perpetual glasses wearer, I'm learning that it's pretty tricky to greet other glasses-wearer. I imagine that the French scratch a lot of lenses kissing hello.

Clandestine Romance (not mine): I finally met Fossette's much-talked about boyfriend; let's call him Bouclés. He's pretty awesome. It's all very exciting when he comes over; see, he's in university and is working hard for admittance to med school next year. His parents would rather him stay at school and study than come to visit his girlfriend. So when we go into town, we creep and slink and do everything we can to avoid recognition. It's a rush.

Question, Sparklers: Picture your Gr. 11 selves. Would your parental units let your significant other spend the night?

Defying Gravity: I hate Wicked. There, I said it. I love theatre, and I adore musicals. But I don't like Wicked. As I was preparing to go to bed, I heard "Defying Gravity" playing in Fossette's bedroom. That's fine, I like the song enough. I can deal. Then I hear it again. And again. And again. Bouclés and Fossette appeared to be having an irritating jamfest. And then they went to take their shower. And left the song playing on a loop. For 45 minutes. Have you seen that Banana Phone Youtube Video that I won't link you to because it's highly inappropriate? Well, it was like that.

Head. Asplode.

The Haircut: Bouclés' unruly mane is a source of contention in the relationship. Bouclés likes his hair wild and uncut. Fossette would rather he look presentable. The argument ended when Fossette went at him with scissors. Literally. Snip, snip, snip. Problem solved. Well, after a professional fixed the damage, that is.

Fashion: Bah! Everybody is so well-dressed here, it's like living in the pages of Vogue magazine. If somebody were to wear a hoodie to school, they would stand out like a sore thumb.

China: Fossette has left the continent. She's in China on a class trip—how cool is that? Slightly less cool: I'm left in France without a guide. Still, I'm not too worried. I passed math last year. By comparison, surviving without Fosette should be a piece of cake.

Showering: Water is expensive in Europe. Do you know what that means? Short showers. Turning the water off when lathering. It means that I must ditch my environmentally-fatal 20 minute sessions to respect the family's hydro bill.

Also: instead of having a shower fixture on the wall, there is a nozzle that gets attached to the faucet. And I have to duck to use it. Being a tall-ish person, the pump is not strong enough to get the water above my head. It also requires some aim. I have none. It gets messy.I imagine that my showers here would be comical to watch. But I can't prove it, because that would be creepy.

Driving: For insurance reasons, I can't drive here. For self preservation reasons, I'm really glad. The traffic laws seem lax... less law-like, and more like a giant game of chicken. And I am very scared of roundabout (aka a competition to see who can floor it faster and hopefully the loser slams on the brakes).

More Songs: Simple, catchy, and really different: Je Ne T'aime Plus by Manu Chao

A little hokey, kinda cheesy... let's call it a guilty pleasure? Je Pense à Toi by Saya

Due to popular demand, I include this song for those of you who don't already know it: Alors on Danse by Stromae