Auntie SparkNotes: Text Addiction

Dear Auntie,

I don't text, own a Facebook, or really participate in social networking, which is fine by me. I also don't date, more out of distaste for my current selection of guys than anything else. Personally, I have no problem with people who do have these things and often support it, occassionally stealing a phone from a friend to start a text war with a person traveling in a different car during road trips. But my one friend is an avid user of Facebook and texting, and often uses both social sources to keep in touch with her boyfriend...all of the time. Of course, it isn't any of my business how often she uses these things, or how often she contacts her boyfriend, but here is my issue:

If it is just the two of us, in a driving or waiting-for-the-teacher/rest of the class situation, she will completely ignore me in favor of chatting up with her boyfriend, leaving me to sit in silence and boredom as she taps away at her phone.

So, yeah, I'm a little annoyed. I didn't mind the first time, but it's happened a total of four or five times. My question is this: how do I tell my friend that I think she is being rude? I've tried a nice/casual approach, saying something along the lines of, "Hey, you've been on Facebook/texting your boyfriend for the past hour straight, care to have a conversation about insertsomethingwittyhere?" To which she replied with, "I have not been on it for an hour" and returns to texting. Is there any other way for me solve this dilemma?

Unfortunately, Sparkler, some people's rudeness knows no bounds—and the only sure way to get them to stop ruining social interactions with their obsessive phone-thumbing is to seize the device and then beat them in the face with it while screaming, "Why don't you tweet about this, you callous, snot-gobbling buffoon?!!!"

Or at least, that's what I kept trying to tell the police when they arrested me last week for Aggravated Assault with a Droid.

But all kidding aside—and despite being quite fond of social media myself—I find few things more frustrating than a friend who's constantly got one eye on her phone when she's supposed to be hanging out with you. It's not even about the technology, or the boyfriend, or your personal disinterest in either; it's about being present, engaged, and willing to give a friendship the attention it deserves. (Not to mention needs to survive.)

Unfortunately, as always, the only thing you can control in this situation is your behavior—which means that no, you cannot solve the problem. Ultimately, that's your friend's responsibility. But you can point out the problem, and address the problem, and react to the problem in ways strategically designed to help your friend see why it's a problem. So, let's start there.

Step 1: Pick your battles. You'll make a better case if you let little things like the between-class texting go, and save your objections for the times when she's really letting you twist in the wind—when you're hanging out one-on-one and/or trying to talk to her about something, for example. (Note: For the sake of my own sanity, I'm assuming that the "driving situation" you refer to doesn't include her being behind the wheel. Otherwise your friend is not only being incredibly rude, but putting you both at risk for a grisly and untimely demise, in which case you should not only demand that she stop, but refuse to ride with her if she doesn't. Safety! Please!)

Step 2: Tweak your approach. Your original, just-kidding-but-seriously tactic was a good start—but unfortunately, it only works on people who have the decency to a) realize they're being rude and b) feel appropriately chagrined. Your friend, on the other hand, doesn't think she's doing anything wrong, which means that a simple, "Hey, you're doing this" isn't enough; it has to be, "Hey, you're doing this—and it makes me feel like garbage." So the next time you're alone together, when you see her reaching for her phone, say something like, "I know you like to keep in touch with Boyfriend, but I'm starting to get really annoyed at you ignoring me in favor of playing with your phone. It hurts my feelings, and it's really rude."

Step 3: Adjust accordingly. In a perfect world, your friend would react to this information by apologizing and putting away her phone. But if she doesn't, then you'll have to assume that this is just how she is; you can't make her do the right thing. What you can do, though, is decide how you handle this friendship in the future—by vowing to just get up and leave when she starts to text, for instance.

Or by specifically selecting activities that make it impossible.
"Hey, let's go freestyle rock climbing in this park that is populated by hungry bears and has very little cellphone reception!"

How do you handle phone-addicted rudepersons? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.

Related post: Auntie SparkNotes: The Art of Letting Down Gently