Akon might think it's fine to see you “winding and grinding,” but your teachers and chaperones are not inclined to agree. To them, grinding is a reprehensible act, a punishable offense on the same level as pillaging villages, killing animals, or biting off a baby’s fingers.
But let's be honest: you're going to grind anyway. The only question is, what will you say when you're caught? We've created ten excuses that will get you out of detention—or at least suspension.
Grinding is a ritual in your culture. In order for a guy to date you, he must rub himself on your backside so that your father can later smell your clothes to see if your potential mate is fit for companionship.
The last time you let a guy waltz with you, he turned out to be a 22-year-old ex-con masquerading as a 17-year-old junior. Studies say 99 percent of grinders grow up to be healthy, rich, caring men, while waltzers are freaky liars.
You suffer from really bad acne and can’t let the guy you’re dancing with see the sick amount of green pus on your nose. (Start crying as you deliver this excuse.)
Claro que si! Senora Pepprica is telling all of your Spanish classes that grinding is bien as long as you can say it en espanol. Es perfecto para ti!
Grinding feels really good on your two-foot-long tail. And keeps you from molting—you wouldn't want to leave your second skin on the dance floor.
This is strictly for medicinal purposes. He’s correcting your scoliosis, and he’s the sole reason you don’t have to wear that ugly back brace anymore. And now that you don’t have to wear a back brace, people actually talk to you at these dances. (Plead with wide eyes and cry, “Don’t ruin this for me!”)
This is your best angle. While it does make your butt look rather large, grinding takes the focus off your ever-expanding waistline.
Your must suffer for fashion. After all, your date gave you a corsage that color-coordinates with his tie. Isn’t jukin’ on him only fair?
Mr. Nelson is offering triple extra credit for any couple who grinds, gets it on their video phone, and sends it to him before Monday, in time for your Images in Social Networking lecture. Bonus for those who get low, stop, drop and wiggle wit’ it.
You’re practicing your moves for your new job at Heavenly Bodies. it's imperative to convince your chaperone that Heavenly Bodies is some sort of religious establishment, and not a place where people go to get hamburgers and flirt with scantily clad waitresses.
What other tricky excuses do you have up your sleeve? Care to share?
Related post: How to Dance: The Illustrated Guide
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