Conversation Starters You Shouldn't Ever Use

Have you ever tried to flirt with a stranger or crush, only to realize midway through your attempt that something has gone terribly, terribly wrong? Whether you mispronounced your own name or discovered that you have half a sesame-seed bagel cream-cheesed to the collar of your jacket, the important thing to realize is that you're not alone. Well, you're alone in the literal sense, because no one will ever want to sit next to you again, but you're not alone figuratively; everybody's humiliated themselves when trying to strike up a conversations with an attractive stranger—we happen to be experts at it. So take heart in the fact that you aren't the only lonely moron out there; at least you didn't take any of the following suckers for a test drive.

1. You smell just like my grandfather's nuclear bomb shelter.

2. Do you mind if I rifle through your backpack?

3. One time, I drank 5 razzleberry Slushies and I barfed the coolest blue barf ever. Your eyes remind me of that barf.

4. Okay, true or false: my tongue looks dehydrated.

5. I can run faster than a Volkswagon, as long as that Volkswagon only has 2 wheels.

6. I'm almost sure I have a booger on my face. Do I? I do, don't I. You can tell me. I can take it.

7. I was voted Best Kisser by everyone in Peekchaw, Kansas. Only two people live there, and a horse.

8. If Harry Potter was a real person, he would want to look just like you. Minus the mustache.

9. What I'm saying, I guess, is that if brick-polishing were a sport, then yeah, I would probably have an Olympic medal.

10. Want to see me eat this piece of aluminum foil?

What's the most moronic way you've ever started a conversation?

Related post: How To Deal With Unexpected First Date Questions