How To Tell Your Parents You've Got a GF/BF

Let's assume that your attitude toward your parents fall somewhere between "ZOMG they're totes my BFFs!" and "ZOMG I'm only applying to colleges that are at least 9,000 miles away!" (If they've ever made you attend snake-worship camp or insisted that "cave livin' is the best livin'," you may fall outside this range.) Assuming they're somewhat normal, your folks know that, someday, you're probably going to come home with a BF or GF in tow. It's up to you decide how to break the news, and depending on how you do it, you'll wind up either with a couple of staunch allies, or with a pair of wardens who'll keep you chained to your stuffed animals until you're 26. Follow our advice, and you may escape with your dignity—and their respect.

1) Stay positive. It's going to be okay. Really. Take some deep breaths and relax. Remember that this is just a quick chat with your parents, who are, pretty much, already on your side. If you're mellow and come at this with a good, humble attitude, it'll show in your face and your demeanor. If you're already anticipating a shriek-fest, that's exactly what you'll get.

2) Deal with the fact that they probably already know. True. For better or worse, parents are often crafty, resourceful folks. (Think of where you learned it from. No—not your older sibling. Well, then, think of who your sibling learned it from.) Even though you may think you're sneakier than sneaky cat, they've probably connected the super-long phone calls and marathon texting and endless chat sessions, and realized that, yut-yoh! You done gone and got yerself a feller!

3) Don't over-prepare: Earnestness is going to work best here, and pre-meditation has a way of messing with sincerity. To simplify, throw away the pie chart about how your time will be divided ("...and as you can see, an estimated 40% of my waking hours will still be devoted to studies and college-appropriate extracurriculars...") and rip up your index cards. It's not a graduation speech. It's just a talk.

4) Pick a good time: You know how your mom just worked all day and she's got to drop you off at soccer practice before she rushes home to switch off with your dad, who's sick but still has to pick up your brother from the library and then get home in time to start dinner? That might not be the best time to broach the subject of romance. Look for an opportunity when everyone's distraction-free and maybe even in a good mood. And since it's sometimes hard to nail down a time when spirits are high, err on the side of grumpy parents who will give you at least 20 minutes of undivided attention.

5) Three people at most, please: Ask your parents if you can talk to them in private. Sure, your sister's going to find out eventually (0r maybe she already knows), but the last thing you need is someone chiming in with, "Do you guys use your tongues, or what?"

6) Keep it short, calm and sweet: It's hard not to get all giddy and overshare-y (or sullen and defensive-y) when you're talking about something so personal, but try to keep things brief, happy and fact-based. For example:

"So, maybe you guys know I've been friends with Kendra for a while. We really like each other, and we want to be exclusive. I'm pretty psyched about it, and she is, too, but I want to make sure I talk with you guys about it and hear what you have to say. Cool?"

7) Open yourself up to questions: Like any good press secretary knows, an announcement is always followed by questions. Lots and lots of questions. Do your best to stay even-tempered and answer as impartially as you can. Try to treat it like an interview; the better you hold up to the pressure, the more you'll prove you're up to the job.

8) Be respectful: Ultimately, the biggest way you can show that you're grown-up enough to be in a relationship is to show respect. For example:

Parents: Are you going to expect to have a later curfew now that you've got a boyfriend?

Knee-Jerk Answer You Kind Of Wish You Could Give: Um, duh much? Of course I want a later curfew, but I wanted that even before I started dating Sam. Plus, if you even remembered an iota of what it was like to be my age, you wouldn't ask that question.

Answer You Actually Give: Actually, that's something I wanted to ask your opinion about. What do you think we should do?

9) Propose a friendly introduction: Offer to introduce your new sweetie-pie-smoochy-poo to your parents. Make it your idea, and maybe even offer to do it in the context of a group activity. (Not a movie, though. You can't learn much about someone when you're silently sitting next to him for 109 minutes.) How's about mini-golf? Scrabble night at your house? Deathmatch laser tag? Whatever it is, pick an activity that'll let your new S.O. shine and make your parents feel like they're not crazily out of their element. Who knows—it could even be a bonding moment, right? With any luck, your evening of destroying goombahs and jumping on turtles may lead to a long and happy friendship between your folks and your lovelump.

Have you broken the news to your parents yet? What's your advice to Sparklers who are still living a lie?

Related post: Meeting the Parents: How Not to Blow It