The Greatest Modern Love Stories
While preparing for tonight’s Romeo + Juliet live-blog, we got to thinking: What current love stories will school kids in the year 2517 be studying? Romeo and Juliet is a classic, but high school teachers of the future may forget about the tragic tale and focus on the love stories of our times. Here are our picks for what the future generations will study…as they live in outer space…in the belly of a giant robot overlord.
10. Pam and Jim from The Office
These two are so freaking cute it makes us want to barf, but future generations will look back on this show and see how difficult romance can be. Pam and Jim’s relationship is just like Romeo and Juliet’s, except instead of quarreling families and violence, Pam and Jim are separated by awkward conversations for three long, painful years. So, it’s pretty much just as agonizing as gang warfare.
9. Mario and Princess Peach
This heartwarming tale of a simple but jumpy plumber saving the life of a princess has it all: excitement, danger, edible flowers that grant magic powers, roads littered with money, and evil turtles. The people of the future will learn how true love can motivate a person to overcome any obstacle. They will also learn that ghosts only attack when your back is turned. How true…how very, very true.
8. Harry Potter and Luna Lovegood
Because in the future, everyone will realize that Luna is a billion times better than stupid awful Ginny, and J.K. Rowling’s great, great, great granddaughter will rewrite the books accordingly.
7. Quil and Claire from Twilight
Though it won’t be studied in schools, the love between teenage Quil and three-year-old Claire will be examined by historians and scientists in hopes of understanding what led to the downfall of humanity during the second decade of the 21st century. (Don’t worry, guys. Humanity will make a comeback in 2024, when people find a cure for the common cold and breed tiny household elephants.)
6. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez
This perfect couple will have a splendid life together until Twitter becomes self-aware and assassinates Gomez, leading to the great Twitter War, or Twar, of 2011. Future generations will look back on this conflict to learn about the violent consequences of falling in love with a pretty drummer boy.
5. WALL-E and EVE
The film which taught us that two machines can find love will one day be the focus of a self-help book called, “Robots Have Feelings: Why It’s Not OK To Beat Your Cyber Butler With a Hammer.”
4. Bert and Ernie
What? Why are you looking at us like that? If they were just friends, why would Ernie bathe in front of Bert? The real question we should be asking is what the hell these two do for a living that allows them to have a sweet New York apartment. Drug running, presumably.
3. Marge and Homer Simpson
It will be easy for future humans to see why these two are so perfect for each other, because the show will still be on the air in its 590th season.
2. The Notebook
Schoolchildren of the future who are forced to read this tragic, sentimental romance novel will whine, “I no-no brain what these humpies loud wording. No-no good words!” That translates into our language as, “I can’t understand what they’re saying. This isn’t English. ”
1. The Jersey Shore, Skins, and Teen Mom
In the future, when long-term relationships last 4.2 minutes, these shows will be viewed as a reminder of simpler times, when romance and chivalry still existed.
Did we miss any modern love stories? Of course not. We’re freaking perfect. Don’t forget to join in the Romeo + Juliet live-blog tonight on Facebook starting at 8 p.m. (EST). Bring tissues to wipe your sad tears and because I tend to spit when I type. If you don’t have the movie on DVD, it’s streaming on NetFlix Instant. So now you have no excuse.
Are you planning to watch with Dan?
Related post: The SparkNotes Movie Club Presents: Romeo + Juliet