Stuff To Keep In Your Locker (for Street Cred)

Your locker is a pretty good indicator of who you are. If it's all messy and full of Cheetos, you're probably also all messy and full of Cheetos. If it's a short blue cube, you're probably also... no wait. Hold on.

Maybe it's just what's inside your locker defines you to your peers. Locker content is one way of establishing street cred, although by "street" we mean "bland high school hallway," and by "cred," we mean... well, that depends. Some folks appreciate graphing calculators; others, throwing rocks at ducks. It may seem impossible to unite these groups, and it probably is, but you can at least attempt to appeal to as many people as possible with your locker inventory.

Pictures of Friends
These establish that other people hang out with you, often on purpose. It's important that the pictures exhibit some kind of fun; people will see through your clever ruse if all you have is a group photo you took at the laundromat of you and a dude who is asleep. Also, you must actually appear in the pictures. Shots of a fun party don't count if you took them from outside, hiding in the bushes.

A Picture of Einstein or Che Guevara
These indicate little more than that you know who Einstein is, or that you aren't sure who Che is, but suspect he stood for being attractive and was in a band.

Something Artsy
If you need to prove your artistic cred, a locker full of Slinkys and garbage isn't going to cut it. Any art you're responsible for that's somewhat abstract is a good idea here, since nobody can refute the artistry of your black-and-white photo of some train tracks (they represent inexorable fate, and trains). Unfortunately, there is probably no room in your locker for your giant pottery project that looks like a melty cactus.

Sunglasses
Name one person who has street cred but no shades. Don't say Che Guevara.

A Valentine
Having received a Valentine proves that at least one person finds you desirable and interesting, or at least that you don't smell too offensively bad. No jokey Valentines from moms. In fact, nothing in your locker should be from any mom whatsoever.

Proof of Smartness
Subtlety is key here. It's not very effective to be like "Oh, let me just move this huge stack of A+ tests here," as you reach for your lunch, because then you look like kind of a goober. Better to just leave, say, some Rimbaud lying around, because nobody can argue with obscure translated poetry. "Clearly only a dignified intellectual would have such a book," people will think, "and it would be prudent to make out with him or her as soon as possible."

Something Preppy
If preppiness is a thing that happens at your school, keep some boat shoes in your locker. Why boat shoes? Well, maybe you just want to be prepared in case someone has an emergency boat party. How about that, smart guy?

A Map
"Oh, a map," people will think. "This dude's going places." What places? You don't know. Hence the map.

Car Keys
Keep them hanging in plain view. If you don't drive yet, prepare some excuses that won't reveal your total confusion about how driving actually works. ("Oh, uh, my hands are just so tired from all of that autocar-driving and horn-honking, ha ha! So I just parked my car in the woods and walked to school today.")

Proof of Hobbies
Hobby objects ("hobbjects?") demonstrate that you have diverse interests and a textured personality. Within reason. Nerdy books or gaming paraphernalia will give you cred among people who share your hobbies, but keeping a four-foot-tall wizard in your locker is probably asking for trouble.

What do you keep in your locker to express yourself?

Related Post: Feng Shui for Your Locker