The Highlights and Lowlights of Commercial Bowl XLV

The Super Bowl is, like, the Super Bowl of commercials. So while you were busy shouting every sports-related term you know ("Holding! Offensive Lineman! Blind Side! Astro Turf!") at your ironic Super Bowl party and wondering when Legolas started playing for the Packers, we were busy taking meticulous notes on snackmeat models of Soldier's Field and the waxy lifelike appearance of Joan Rivers. Here is our recap of the highlights and lowlights of Commercial Bowl XLV:

Best Car Commercial:
The Darth Vader kid was cute, but the Audi commercial featured old people, and as we’ve established, old people are funny, especially when they’re wearing ascots and talking about their spleens.

Creepiest Commercial:
While the Dorito’s "Finger Licking" commercial made us more than slightly uncomfortable and worried for the career of the actor (Christopher Mintz-Plasse seems to have that character covered), the HomeAway.com commercial had a terrifying moment where a "test baby" was catapulted into a glass wall like a blob of Silly Putty.

Most Ironic Use of Elton John:
How do you get American good ol' boys to sing along to a ballad by a quirky, gay British man? You put it in a Budweiser commercial. Extra points for alluding to our favorite movie scene of all time.

Best Performance Overall:
This category goes to Bridgestone for its "Reply All" and "Beaver" tire commercials. The "Reply All" guy definitely went Method; we've been there. And the beaver reminds us of our other favorite anthropomorphised woodland creature commercial.

Commercial That Paid the Most Money for an Unrecognizable Celebrity:
We had to watch the Snickers commercial three times before we recognized Roseanne Barr. Having Roseanne in your 2011 Super Bowl commercial is kind of like having the Black Eyed Peas sing a song about being “so 2008” in your 2011 Super Bowl halftime show.

Most Truth in Advertising:
Pepsi Max's "First Date" commercial finally unlocked the intricacies of the male brain: a riddle wrapped in a puzzle, folded into an origami enigma.

Most Inappropriate:
We were just glad our parents were refilling the pretzel bowl when Kim Kardashian's Sketchers commercial came on. It's so embarrassing at the age of 29 to have to say, "I don't understand why that nice lady and man are playing Twister without clothes on!"

Most Heart-Warming:
We know you thought we’d say the Motorola Xoom commercial where the guy gives the girl in a futuristic hazmat suit virtual flowers, but actually we vote for Eminem’s Michigan Tourism Bureau Chrysler spot. The gospel choir gets us every time. We just booked a ticket to Detroit for Spring Break.

Commercials We’d Like to See Retired:
By our count, that eTrade baby should be in high school by now. But he's reading the Wall Street Journal! The cat is sneezing! Hi-larious. We're over it. And while you're at it, please take GoDaddy's forced and totally off-topic fauxmosexuality with you. Jillian Michaels' sexual orientation has nothing to do with domain name registration.

What did you think of this year's Super Bowl commercials?

Related post: Committee of Cool Takes on the Super Bowl Halftime Show