Faye's Quest for a Prom Date: Operation Facebook Chat

Taylor and Faye. Taylor and Faye. Hmm.... Faylor? Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. —Sparkitors

This week was all about Taylor Lautner. (Really, what week isn’t about Taylor Lautner?) Specifically, codename Taylor though, you know, weekend retreat guy/the epitome of awesomesauce/my prom date…hopefully…I’m working on it.

Anyway, my retreat group was planning to go out to lunch together, and if you can do simple addition, Taylor + Me + Chinese food = Baby Unicorns, or you know, a chance to attempt non-awkward conversation. Taylor hadn’t responded to the group message saying whether he was going, which gave me a completely legit excuse to talk to him.

So. I put on my confidence pants and Facebook chatted him, “Hey, are you going on Friday?”

See how smooth I sounded there? You can just call me Secret Agent Faye from now on, since I’m that smooth. Well, what follows is the first mission of Secret Agent Faye. (And a Psychology lesson on the 5 stages of grief. Now you don‘t have to study. You‘re welcome.):

Operation Facebook Chat

The following takes place between 5:04 P.M. and 10:02 P.M.

5:04 Denial

“Okay, so he hasn’t responded yet. That’s cool. He’s probably not even there right now. I bet he’s out doing something awesome. Like riding a llama. Or jet skiing. Or riding a llama on a jet ski. Yeah, that’s why he’s not responding.”

5:31 Anger

“I don’t even care if he responds back. He’s just a *unicorn loving* son of a *Easter bunny*. And he can take his response and *chocolate chip cookie* it *sprinkles* his *cuddly teddy bears*. *Double rainbow* him. *DOUBLE RAINBOW* HIM!”

7:47 Bargaining

“Please let him respond. If he responds, I’ll give up ice cream for a whole week. You know what, I’ll give up ice cream for a whole year. Just let him respond.”

9:10 Depression

“Waaaaaaah!" (Shoves ice cream into mouth.) "He doesn’t care! He’s definitely avoiding me. It’s all over. I give up. (Proceeds to devour entire carton of ice cream)”

10:02 Acceptance

“I'm okay with this. There's always Penn and Chad.”

And that‘s how Secret Agent Faye died. Okay, that's being a bit dramatic. But in the end, my smooth move got me nowhere!

But Taylor did wind up coming out to lunch with the group.

“Really? Did you two get into a debate over the difference between lo mein and chow mein? Did you nudge an egg roll toward him with your nose a la Lady and the Tramp style? Did you actually TALK to him?!”

Thank you for your interest, random person on the internet. But I guess you’re just going to have to wait until next time to find out the answers to these and other pressing questions, like, “What’s going on with Chad and Penn?” and “Why does this sound like a bad TV announcer right before a commercial break?”

Aww, I’m just messing with you Sparklers. Now go get yourselves some ice cream and get ready for “Faye Attempts to Talk to a Boy: Part Two of the Epic Saga that is My Life: The Kind of Book You Find in the Young Adult Section of Your Local Bookstore Edition.”

I spotted him the moment I walked in the door. Dark, mysterious, brooding over his menu, his eyes smoldering. He was waiting for me. (Actually, the rest my group was waiting for us, as well. My friend had missed the exit and we got to the restaurant twenty minutes late, everyone was starving. Anyway…) I took the seat directly across from him, and began to study my menu, stealing furtive glances at him from behind it. I ordered a tofu stir-fry and he asked if I was a vegetarian (*Gasp*, that was so not college/homework/school related. Progress!) and I responded that I was, avoiding all eye contact for fear that I would suddenly lose my ability to form coherent sentences. My one friend, (right, there were still other people with us, forgot about them) asked why it was so dark in the restaurant, to which I responded, “It’s the ambiance.”

I wasn’t alone, though. Taylor had said “ambiance” at the same moment I said “ambiance.” The table was silent. “Did we just say ‘ambiance’ at the same time?” he asked, his voice silky smooth. Our eyes met, and I looked away first, becoming incredibly interested in a spot on the table in front of me. (That’s right, we’re vocabulary soul mates. Cue the swooning fan girls.) The rest of the meal was a blur of small talk, failed attempts to use chopsticks, and deep fried bananas. I hugged Taylor as I left, (well I hugged everyone, we’re a “huggie” group) and we all promised to go out together again soon. I started to walk back toward my friend’s car when he called my name. I turned and ran into his arms, he whispered “ambiance” in my ear, and then we rode off into the sunset on a snow white horse.

Ok, so that last part didn’t happen, but the rest of it did. It really was a lot of fun, and I’ve decided that if I ever get a horse I’m naming it Ambiance. As for who I’m asking to Prom, I’m not so sure. Taylor’s amazing, and every time I see him in the hallway I get butterfly tummy combined with the flirting abilities of a 3^rd grader, but Penn (see, I haven't forgotten about him!) is still super cute in Physics, and the more I talk to him, the more I like him. Chad’s super mega foxy awesome hot, as always, but we don’t have any classes together this semester, so he’s been out of sight, out of mind.

My goal for next week: Ask Penn to help me with the Physics assignment we’re working on because a) I really do need help and b) homework buddy is synonymous with prom date, right? And if that doesn’t work out, I need to come up with some new “swear” words, any suggestions? I‘m thinking *cupcake munching* *daisy* of a *luxury cruise ship.*

Faye :)

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