Why February is Made of Win

It’s easy to see why so many people hate February: It’s cold, the streets are covered in a slushy mixture of ice and pure sadness, it’s always dark, and the snowbeasts stalk you in the shadows. But February is actually one of the best months of the year! Before you diss on month #2, here are a few things that may change your mind.

1. It’s the best month for snowball fights.
By now, many of your friends have grown weary of snow war. Use this to your advantage. When they say, “I’m cold. Let’s go inside and read literature,” that’s when you strike, and strike hard, aiming for the ears. For inspiration, look at this photo of actor Hugh Jackman attacking his daughter with a snowball. Just look at it. It’s the best picture we’ve ever seen, and it makes us want to peg someone in the back of the head with a sphere of chilly water molecules. That’s what you get for wearing a pink snowsuit, little girl!

2. It’s short.
February won’t last forever, so you must enjoy it while you can. It’s a lot like your fish. (BTW: Your fish is crazy-sick. Sorry.)

3. It’s sad.
Use this bleak month to harness your dark, emotional poetry skills. From great pain comes great art. Here are two examples of poems we wrote. One is from July, the other from February. Guess which one we’re submitting to the Deep and Meaningful Poetry store.

Meatballs
By Daniel Adam Bergstein

Meatballs, meatballs on my plate.
Meatballs, meatballs, I can’t wait!
Meatballs, meatballs, yum-tum-tum.
Meatballs, meatballs, I want some!

Pain of River Street
By D. Silhouette

From shadows of skin enters ice.
“The remedy is tears,” spat the heels of Joelle.
Whisper? Whisper without lips.
“A penny for your fraughts?”
Meatballs, meatballs, I want some…

4. It’s Black History Month.
Most schools use this as an opportunity to showcase boring videos and hastily-made bulletin board decorations. But chances are your community is hosting some great events in celebration of African-American culture. Seek them out. Things are kind of crappy all over the world right now, but it’s nice to reflect on the positive, and remember that great change is possible. Sorry this one wasn’t so jokey. It won’t happen again. Meatballs!

5. President’s Day = Good Things.
It’s one of the few days of year when we eat cupcakes with tiny toothpick flags on top. And it usually means towels and bed sheets are on sale at the mall. Cherish this time.

6. It’s not June.
June is for amateurs.

7. Mountains are easier to descend.
Climbing down mountains in August: “I’m thirsty! This is taking forever. My socks are bloody.”
Sledding down mountains in February: “Weeeeeeeeee! My socks aren’t bloody at all!”

8. You can profess your love.
On Valentine’s Day, it’s OK to tell someone you like him/her, and if you do so with a piece of glossy cardboard depicting SpongeBob SquarePants making a pun, the person will fall madly in love with you.

9. It’s fun to say.
Do you pronounce it Feb-you-airy, Feb-rue-airy, or Feb-cat-guts?

10. Fewer wasps.
During February, we need not worry that wasps will fly into our mouths while we sleep, sting our brain, and lay eggs in our esophagus. This saves us a fortune on mouth tape.

Do you love February?

Related post: February Horoscopes