Television Crystal Ball: Future MTV Hits

MTV has been churning out genius entertainment for your television-watching pleasure since 1981. That's longer than you've been breathing. Go ahead—make fun of Jersey Shore or Teen Mom. You know you like it. Most of the shows are so bad they go way past bad and back to awesome, anyway. (That's the real Circle of Life.) But we've been wondering: what else could they possibly come up with? What will be the next show that we will be unable to tear ourselves away from? That will make us forget to go to school and shower and make us abandon our pets and friends and eating...

Okay. Exaggerating. But we looked in our MTV magic ball (it's ROCKIN'!) and here is what it said was in the future of Music Television. (Please note: there won't be very much music.)

Cribs... Literally: Celebrity babies are all the rage! And in this show, their way-luxe cribs are showcased. We get the down and dirty (sometimes stinky) on their diaper genies, nursery décor, slammin' mobiles, and jacuzzis. First guest: the sure-to-be-good-lookin' offspring of Penelope Cruz and that really handsome guy she married. We want to be just like him!

Deliver-Date: Follows contestants as they order delivery food of their choice (pizza, Chinese food, Chinese pizza delivery, anything but DiGiorno—that stuff is not delivery). Contestants must to go on a date with whoever brings them the food, right then and there. Date activities cannot include: driving around delivering pizzas or Chinese food, eating pizza or Chinese food.

MAID: Remember those brats from My Super Sweet 16? They're baaaaaaaack! This time, they think they are on the famous series MADE, but joke's on them! Instead, they are greeted by their MAID coach, who is actually a grumpy maid from Merry Maids. The Merry Maid Coach sends these rich little farts through grueling, get-on-your-hands-and-knees MAID SCHOOL. It's a merry match maid in heaven!

Celebrities Watching Themselves on TV (or CWTTV): This show is exactly how it sounds. Camera zooms in on Madonna as she watches the "Like a Virgin" video, Ashton Kutcher while he watches his latest movie, No Strings Attached, Beavis while he watches Beavis and Butthead reruns, etc. The director press celebs to say really ridiculous things like, "Could I possibly be awesomer? No!" And "I remember farting in that scene! But that is a big secret!"

Popular!: This show focuses on the most popular girl at high schools all over the country, and follows them extremely closely to answer the age old mystery we're all dying to crack: why is the popular girl so popular, and how can we do exactly what she is doing? There will be online components, like video how-tos on how to get her exact hair cut, menus so you can eat exactly what she eats, and playlists so you can listen to her favorite songs. Here's hoping we all become carbon copy replicas and we're all just as popular as she is!

The Kardashi-Cousins: This reality TV show follows the lives of the cousins of the Kardashians. Yeah, they haven't done anything important, either. What's your point?

Jersey Shore-Mom: Uh-oh! JWoww, Snookie and Sammie are pregnant! Let's hope they tone down the partying for a few months and focus on their pickle cravings (Snookie's gets intensified, Sammie and JWoww join in), maternity yoga—in revealing maternity spandex, of course, and baby-naming brain storms. (If it's a boy, Juice. If it's a girl—let's hope it's not a girl.)

Real World True Life Rules the Road: True Life contestants come together to live in a motor home that drives all over the US. Prediction: There will be clashes between stars from "No Money, Mo' Problems" (1998) and "I'm the Youngest Tycoon in the World" (2000),  "I Can't Have Sex" (2010), and "I'm Horny in Miami" (2000).

Music Videos: Ha. Just kidding!

What shows do you foresee on MTV? Oh! And what should we rename the celebs-watching-themselves show? CWTTV is a terrible name!

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