15 Ways To Get Sympathy When You're Mildly Sick

Why English Is the Best Subject in the Universe

By Contributor

January 26, 2011

Odds are good you're preaching to the choir, zara95! –Sparkitors

On school days, the last thing I want to do is get out of my warm bed and plunge into a cold world of math, science, and the rest of my hectic, mundane school life. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of my English class. Why? It’s simple: because English is the best subject in the Universe. (I’m assuming there is no better subject on Mars or any other planet.) For those who don’t understand why I wouldn’t rather be doing trigonometry, I will enlighten you now.

1. The textbooks are fun to read. In our school, English is divided into two areas, language and literature. For language, we don’t use a textbook, and for literature we have three. "Studying English" feels a whole lot like reading a book, and I firmly believe there is no such thing as having too much to read.

2. As You Like It is a LOVE STORY. Currently we're doing Shakespeare's As You Like It, and I have to disagree with the 4,000+ people who have told me how unlucky that makes me. Not only is the play packed with romance, it’s also funny enough to keep me laughing like a hyena every time I read it. (It’s not a pretty sight, but it's as Shakespeare would've wanted it.) As an added bonus, we get to act it out. The best part is watching our teacher do her level best to skip all the really lovey-dovey parts—unsuccessfully.

3. You can interpret the subject matter anyway you want. Imagine saying this to your history teacher: “People in the Stone Age were extremely fashion-forward. They wore short skirts and basically invented the shirt dress.” Or, the next time you're in maths class trying to calculate the amount Mr.so-and-so spent in some weird shop, try saying that he got all his stuff free because the shopkeeper was his lost love. You'll quickly be reminded that the teachers in these subjects just don’t appreciate your looking at things in a new way.

4. There are no wrong answers. Yes, there are wrong answers in grammar. But in writing essays? Nope. Though bad essays definitely exist, there is no such thing as a wrong essay. However badly you write, your teacher will be forced to give you some kind of mark, and it's not going to be "INCORRECT." Sadly, I cannot say the same for algebra...

5. Revenge. English=essays; essays=revenge. If your teacher has made your life miserable the entire year, you're probably desperate to savor the sweet taste of revenge. Essays offer the one and only hold we students have on a teacher. Fill up about 10 pages with mindless rants and ramblings. Your teacher will have to go through the torture of reading it in order to give you a grade. Or, better still, do what I do: write a perfectly good essay in perfectly terrible handwriting. That way, you can get good marks while simultaneously forcing your teacher to spend sleepless nights trying to decipher your essay. (Let me clarify that I have absolutely no problem with my English teacher, it’s just that my handwriting naturally looks like wriggly alphabet worms squirming across the paper.)

6. My teachers rock. Especially the one who teaches us language. I’m not going to get started on why she’s so great, because if she ever saw this it would be really awkward, but if you don’t believe me, please take the next flight here and see for yourself. (I live in India. That’s only halfway across the globe for most of you!)

7. I’m good at it. Yes, I’m bragging, but it's definitely the one subject I do well in. Perhaps the best reason there is to love a subject!