We're officially declaring today a national holiday, Sparkleheads. Why? Because it's Chelsea Dagger's sister's BIRTHDAY! She's turning the big 2-0, and since she's the most brilliant (5x smarter than Hermione Granger), talented (she can sing like the WIND), and beautiful (gorgeous red hair? killer blue eyes? CHECK AND CHECK) little sis EVER TO EXIST, we figure she deserves a holiday in her honor. So you'd better go buy some celebratory cupcakes, STAT—just send them to Dagger's office, and she'll make sure they end up in the right hands.