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Interview With a Sparkler, Round: Million Dollar Billz For EVERYONE!

Interview With a Sparkler, Round: Million Dollar Billz For EVERYONE!

By Chelsea Dagger

Last week, we asked you to spend 12,058,900 Mexican pesos (we did the conversion math ourselves; it only took 67 hours and 984 pieces of scratch paper), and we were a little disappointed that so many of you reverted to the coward's option of GIFT CARDS. C'monnnn, guys; that's like getting 3 wishes from a genie and wishing for MORE WISHES. Cheap. Lame. WHATEVER. We forgive you, because we love you, and also because we'd like to own some of said lame gift cards. You know where to send 'em. NOW HERE'S THE  BIRTHDAY SHOUT-OUTS!

Fire_Cracker13: January 23

NoahNosh^2.0: January 19

AbstinentLamington: January 20

camilok7: January 28

CaptainFF5: January 24

mysticjadeshoe’s awesome little brother: January 19

super_deluxe’s sister: January 11

The_Last_Song_of_Harper_Grace: January 14

SparklyMongoose: January 15

Happy birthday, you sparkly sons-of-guns! And now for our favorite answers to last week's question, If you had one million dollars and exactly three hours to spend every last penny, what would you buy?

mysticjadeshoe: A million dollars? A MILLION DOLLARS?! You want me to do something with a million DOLLARS?! Fine. You know what, I'll buy Glee and make it into an espinage/action/scifi series where they sing to make monsters die. And Blaine will be the main character. And Kurt will not exist.

What? I have to pick something else?! Fine. I'LL BUY YOUR MOM.

chasingdragonflies: Invest in the balloon animal industry. It's gonna be huge. Trust me.

dobbyssock: I would buy a million dollars worth of hedgehogs, dress them as cats, take them for walks, and scare the neighborhood children. I would also dress them up coordinating with the holidays, and take artistic pictures of them flowing out of fake pumpkins or sleeping on a bed of flowers. Never would I let on that I knew they were not cats, because that is where I would find the worth of my million dollar investment.

SecretlyAWizard: I'd go to Gringotts. Convert some of my money into wizarding currency. Buy some Felix Felicis. Take some of it (it would help me find the people crucial to my plan and help me be successful in buying Fox Entertainment Group). Then, I'd hire the best money copier people. Use the fake money to buy Fox Entertainment Group (they own a lot of things, so I wouldn't have enough real money to buy it). Prevent them from canceling Fringe. I'd get to control shows and movies). Using the money from owning Fox, I'd but myself a smallish house on a private street that I would name Batman Lane. Then I'd buy a private jet so I could travel all the places I've ever wanted to go.

scooterparker_loves_bluegrass: FIRST... I'd pay off my folk's debts (ya know, credit card crap?). Then! I would make three college savings accounts, one for me and my two brothers. And then! I would buy kick-ass...tronomy camera equipment (I'm thinking 'bout that one lens that costs as much a Mini Cooper...).

If I still haven't spent all my money, then I'd start a business, or put the remainder in a huge savings account called "Fun Stuff Dot Com."

If I have any change left, I'll throw it into the luckiest fountain I can find and wish for something rad... like world peace, or for the death of stupidity, or Dan Bergstein. I think I'll wish for the latter.

theboomerAangsquad: I would
1) hire somebody to make AVPM and AVPS into dvds, so my old, slow computer wouldn't have to struggle playing them on youtube anymore
2) Milk
3) A bassoon
4) A cheetah
5) Put the rest in the bank. Can I do that? I think I can.

rellers33: buy the golden opulence sundae at Serendipity in NYC.
Then I would eat it.
Then I would put a lot of the money on one of those weird AmEx gift cards.
I then would put some more of the money on a B&N gift card.
I would also buy my weight in gummy worms and purchase the world's largest gummy worm in all 5 flavors. As you may be able to see, I like gummy worms.
I would also like to buy out some bookstore.
Maybe buy sparklife with the leftover money?

SyedaW: Well, since you asked the scenario would contain the following:

SyedaW attempts to breathe at this HUGE surprise. She fails. After falling unconscious, she wakes up an hour later rushing to the airport to quickly spend her money in the two remaining hours. She travels the world and eats the best food she can get her hands on.
DHABA! CHIQUITTOS! THAT SUNDAE THAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAVE REAL GOLD IN IT!

Now THAT would be fun! nom nom nom

LeehtaLoo: buy Hogwarts.

Chabelinni: I'd buy a muffin car. AND a cupcake car. Continuosly. That means a batch of each. I'll give one to you. Chelsea, if you're nice!
Well, I probably have eaten them all already...

waterbottle95: I would probably rent celebrities to follow me around for a day.
Taylor Swift would follow me and write songs that specifically relate to what I'm going through. Her next hit would be 'Cramming for Finals'
Ellen Degeneres would be cracking jokes constantly to help ease the stress of finals.
Emma Watson and Natalie Portman would help me study, because they seem to be pretty smart.
Can you tell I have finals coming up?
Also, I would hire Ryan Gosling. He's just so nice to look at. HE EVEN LOOKS GOOD IN A ONESIE.

maxride: CHURROS!!!!!!! and Harry Potter's invisibility cloak. and then more churros. and my own group of minions (despicable me, anyone?). and churros. and an asteroid (don't ask why). then maybe some more churros. and my own house where i will throw the biggest Spark Party of all time!!! you're all invited. e-donuts for all who attend! (come on guys...there'll be churros!)

loonylovegood15: 1 million dollars? Three hours?

....

UM. UM

BUY A BUNCH OF BOOKS. DONATE TO CHARITY. BECOME A MERMAID. FIND THE CURE FOR CANCER. CONVERT THEM TO ONE DOLLAR BILLS AND FILL A POOL WITH IT AND SWIM AROUND.

I DON'T KNOW.

*squints* But you'll know that they will all be VERY MATURE and SERIOUS decision-

MEET JOHNNY DEPP AND HANG OUT WITH HIM.

radical__rebecca: I'd buy one pretty car, go to an auction for an hour and see what I find (then buy it all), and gamble the rest. Yes, gambling is my final answer.

raysforever26: I would buy the Michael J. Fox foundation. Okay, it costs a lot more than one million dollars, but I'm sure they'd give me a charitable discount. I'd fundraise my brains out until we finally find a cure for Parkinson's, and I will have fulfilled my lifelong dream of curing a neurological disease.

Oh, and I'd get to meet Michael J. Fox, and that's reason enough.

What? He's too old for me? Fine...I heard he has a son...

SPUNKMIREYA: I'm guessing that buying at least fifty McDonald's Sausage biscuits and/or In-n-Out double cheeseburgers wouldn't be the most interesting/healthy/logical thing to do so I say I would crash a space camp outing, try out zero-gravity for a while, and become best friends with Conan O'Brien by buying him said sausage biscuits and cheeseburgers.

crazyforanime17: My entire Barnes and Noble store... and a bed. So I can live there

Rumbleroar2: Obviously I would invest it. that way I could continue making money after the money was gone. Also? Darren Criss and a Wand.

super_deluxe: Clearly, I would buy myself Dan Bergstein. And a large portion of Chelsea Dagger's ego, since the whole thing costs too much for that AND Dan Bergstein. Yeahh.

joannacle: One word: unicorns. And a heck of a lot of them.

PrestigiousTimeLady: I would hire Dan Bergstein to narrate my life for the first hour, then add Morgan Freeman, then add Dr. Doofenshmirz from Phineas and Ferb.

I dunno, I just feel like the three of them would make an excellent narrating/commentary team on the spectacle that is my life.

Nyx_of_Night: I would buy one million pieces of underwear from a $1 shop. That way I would have new, high quality underwear for the rest of my life.
P.S: Yeah, that's right, I plan on living for another 2777 years...

azn4life333: Sparknotes, you ask the best questions! A million dollars? And in 3 hours? Please. Give me a challenge. I would buy: a wolf puppy, a kawasaki ninja 500rr(my dream motrocycle, which I will have as soon as I turn 16 in a year and two months) HINT: My birthday is in two months. Moving on: Breakdancing lessons, a home gym, a scrimitar, a very clever horse and Arabian horse-riding lessons(you know, so I can rid backwards, UPSIDE-DOWN.) A new house, a golden saxophone, a guitar expert to suop up my Jasmine guitar, comedy lessons from nigahiga and Dan, and finally, a new wardrobe, snowboard, skateboarding lessons form Ryan sheckler and the rest goes into my college fund and the STOCK MARKET. OHHHH! and an agent who can get me a music contract(sparknotes, you may not no this, but I can SING so I could beast Justin Beiber and finally show the world what a loser he is. Seriously, not that talented, he can't even dance. The Backstreet boys had more talent then him. BURN

theatregeek_bookworm<3: I've been waiting my whole LIFE for someone to ask me this question! Even though one can see my answer has been clear along I will divulge my master plan of 3 hour millionaire-ness-es-ness! Here goes..I would quickly buy a Barnes and Noble Bookstore (including the little annoying Starbucks inside of it that doesn't take giftcards. Oh and their barista......I don't know how to make fraps!), the Albertsons by my house also with the little Starbucks inside of it... THAT TAKES GIFTCARDS...AHEM...ahem..nuf said. And of course a 70 foot-long trampoline that I can jump on with my smiling heart, as I try to find out how to connect underground tunnels to Albertsons, Barnes and Noble, and my house, aided only by a bowl of steaming awesomesauce, a handful of five's, tomorrows Drama homework, Leonardo DiCaprios beautiful face in Titanic, and a spork.

xmrs_jonasx: Screw Harry Potter World, I'm going to Hogwarts.
No explanation necessary. (I really just want to run around in the third floor corridor)
1 million can do that, right?

WHAM. Those were some real gems. Now, try not to be too disappointed, but we're not going to set you loose with mad, mad coin this week. Instead, we're going to pose a question that will challenge every Sparkler instinct in your body:

If you could only read one book for the rest of your life, which book would you choose, and why?

Post your answer in the comments, and don't forget to tell us if your birthday is coming up!

Related post: IWAS archives

Topics: The Internets
Tags: sparklers, comments, ridiculous things, funny things, interview with a sparkler

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About the Author
Chelsea Dagger

Since 2010, Chelsea Dagger (known in real life as Chelsea Aaron) has been SparkLife's sweatiest editor. She's currently working on a how-to-kiss guide for teens, and when she's not conducting smooch-related research on her life-size Joseph Gordon-Levitt cardboard cutout, she's eating pancakes, stocking up on industrial-strength deodorant, and destroying everyone at Harry Potter trivia. (EXPECTO PATRONUM!)

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

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