What to Do After a Fender Bender

Smash! Blam! Kapow! Screeeeech. Holy shouldn't have been texting while driving, Batman! You've just been in a fender bender. Now what?

Hopefully your cat-like reflexes and properly inflated tires will keep you from ever experiencing the nerve-jangling terror of playing life-size bumper cars. Unfortunately, most of us will experience a smash-up at some point in our driving careers. That's why we have the president from 24 selling us car insurance. If/when you do, here's how to handle it (and how not to handle it):

1. Make sure your parts are still there. Not the steering wheel and gear shift and condenser fan, but your parts, like your hands, feet and nose. In other words, before you move, before you attempt to get out of the car, make sure you are ok.

2. Exit the car. Do not follow your exit by running around in a circle, waving your hands and screaming. This will only make things worse and might compel any EMTs who come to the scene to take you to the psych ward.

3. Make sure the other person's parts are still there. Ask if the other driver is all right. Be prepared to hear expletives and accusations. If it really was your fault (and only if it was clearly your fault), say, "I'm sorry I tried to drive over your car like it was a Hot Wheel." If it wasn't, just smile and pretend to be temporarily knocked deaf from the impact. Cry if you think it will help. Do not call the other person names like "Poopy Pants McGee," "Meatloaf for a Brain" or "Lady GooGoo Buttface."

4. Check the damage to both cars. Take note of dents and scratches. Take photos for your scrapbook the insurance adjuster. Write down details of the accident while they're fresh in your mind before the memory morphs into Grand Theft Auto.

5. Call 911. Even if no one is hurt, you'll need an accident report to file a claim with your insurance company. If your fender bender is with a police car, you can skip this step.

6. If you are in the middle of the road, move the cars out of traffic. This step is key. If I am on my way home from the bucket store and your car is in the middle of the road because of a scratch on the bumper, I am going to give you the stink eye as I creep by. Mama hates to miss her programs.

7. Exchange information. Not Twitter accounts (unless, of course, he is cute), but phone numbers, email addresses, license plate numbers, and insurance information. You should carry your license, car registration, cotton candy, and insurance card with you at all times. Do not let the person leave the scene without getting this information.

8. Wait for police to arrive and fill out a report before leaving the scene. And never, ever lie to the po-po. They will git you.

Now, you ask, what if the car I "hug" with my own is parked and unattended? Always leave a note. (Not this one.) Explain what happened and leave your contact information. If you just drive off, it can be called in as a hit and run.

Getting into a fender bender is no fun, so drive safely, buckle up and consider trading in for one of these.

Have you ever been in a fender bender? What happened?

Related post: The Dos and Don'ts of Novice Driving