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10 Reasons to Despise Brussels Sprouts

10 Reasons to Despise Brussels Sprouts

By Contributor

mara1d is a genius for coming up with "troll boogers." —Sparkitors

It all started on Thanksgiving when I was 7 years old. My great Aunt Luanne had brought a huge bowl of Brussels sprouts, which I had never tried before. When she heard I had never eaten them, she slapped a heaping spoonful of Brussel sprouts all over my plate. I (very stupidly) decided to shove whole sprout in my mouth and as soon as a bit down I knew it was a mistake. I vomited all over the sweet potato casserole (which happens to be my favorite) and spent the rest of the evening scrubbing my taste buds with dish detergent in the kitchen sink trying to get the horrible taste off of my tongue. Not a fun experience.

After reading TheEpicNinjaOfEpicness ‘s pro Brussels sprouts post **shudder**, I knew that it was my duty to stand up for the anti-Brussel sprouters on this planet. Here are 10 reasons to despise them!1. They look like deep-fried, giant troll boogers. Lately, I’ve been feeling like the cafeteria lady is trying to force-feed me some snot from the depths of a troll’s nostril. And while we are on this topic, why would Mother Nature even make a food that looks like troll boogers?

2. They stink. They reek of the butt of an orangutan. Well, I haven’t actually ever smelled an orangutan’s buttocks, let alone any primate’s bottom; however, I could swear that’s what they smell like. Plus, they make you fart, which makes you smell like orangutan butt.

3. They’re UGLY! (Need I say more?)

4. They are GREEN… and do you know what that means? Well, Kermit the Frog once was an awesomesauce purple frog. Until he came across (and unfortunately decided to eat) a Brussels sprout. Then he turned green. So he can tell you straight, that if you eat something green, you will turn green! And we all know that green will definitely not match that cute outfit you picked out for the dance this Friday.

5. None of the cool kids are eating them. Hello? Pure peer pressure here!

6. They look like baby heads of cabbage. First of all, gross. Cause no one likes cabbage. And second of all, last I checked, chomping down on baby heads was looked down upon. It’s all right little babies; I won’t eat you or your tiny sprout-shaped heads.

7. They stink. (I felt the need to repeat that one.)

8. Not even my dog will eat them. My dog will eat EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. Last month he practically inhaled my little sister’s chunky meatloaf barf. If puke-slurping canines won’t even eat Brussels sprouts, I don’t think us humans should either.

9. Like my dog, Dan Bergstein doesn’t eat them, either.

10. They taste disgusting. I’m not kidding. And anyone you ask will agree (accept TheEpicNinjaOfEpicness).

Now that that's settled, allow me to propose a new challenge: Find ten reasons to like asparagus (because that’s another veggie I hate).

What's the worst veggie?

Related Post: 8 Reasons Brussels Sprouts Are the Best

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Topics: Life
Tags: sparkler posts, vegetables, debates, brussel sprouts, foods

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