My Imaginary Friends

Ashley_BAM! didn't name her invisible Frisbee?! For shame! —Sparkitors

IMAGINARY friends. Who could do without them? No childhood is complete without them. If you haven’t had an imaginary friend, make one up. NOW. My imaginary friends… were a little strange. The following is a list of them. Please excuse the names, they were all that my 6-year-old mind could come up with.

Imaginary mouse: That’s right, I had an awesomesauce mouse. I even used to make teeny paper bowls and cups for Mr. Mousey. I wonder where I found the time to do them. On a totally unrelated note, teachers complained to my parents about me ripping up tiny bits of paper from my homework and doing something else in class when they were teaching.

Imaginary rock: Sure, you’ve heard of a pet rock. But an IMAGINARY rock? Tell me you’re not blown away. My rock had everything a real rock doesn't: purple swirlies, cute eyes, and it moved. When my friends had pet rock races, mine always won. They had to take my word when I told them Rocky had crossed the finishing line first. Since, you know, they couldn’t really see him.

Imaginary elephant: Okay. Ellie was HUGE. So I couldn’t really bring her to class, you see. It breaks all Laws Of Imagination. Therefore, my mum had to take care of Ellie till I came home. I miss Ellie. She used to give me elephant rides on her high back. Strangely, her back looked like my dad’s. Weird...

Imaginary Frisbee: Okay, once I threw this Frisbee I couldn’t fetch it back. So I decided my Frisbee had this amazing power to soar all around the world without stopping, see? Your TV reception interrupted? Whoops, that’s probably Frisbee intercepting the satellite. Sorry.

And lastly, imaginary boyfriend: This one came up when I was hitting puberty. He’s gone now. I still remember him. Blue eyes, blond hair, awesome body. Er, um, I don’t remember him at all. [pause] Fine. He’s sitting right next to me. Is that so bad? Say hello to Michael!

Did you have imaginary friends?

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