Flyergirl13 Tells You How—To Solve A Rubik's Cube
I'm sure that solving a Rubik's Cube is on the top of your long list of priorities. You know, get into a good college, get a job, be successful, and conquer this colorful block of despair. Never fear, for I, flyergirl13, am here to help. Not that I actually know how to solve a Rubik's cube, but I'm a firm believer in the theory that you don't need to be able to do something in order to teach it. Here's the back story: one day over break, I spied a Rubik's cube on a shelf in the den, so I sat down with it and told myself I wouldn't move until I had it solved. And I worked and worked at it until my sister forcibly dragged my into the kitchen for dinner.
Did I master this disastrous puzzle? Negatory. But if you use my vast experience to your advantage, you might just be the next Will Smith.
Step One: Are You Colorblind? If you are, this whole solving thing might not work out. You can just mix it up and declare it's done, because, according to your eyes, it is. Lucky!
Step Two: Choose A Color
I think the first step is to solve one color completely. Therefore, you must choose which of the six colors to solve first, which is a tough decision. You don't want to make the other colors feel left out.
DO: Choose your favorite color. If your favorite color is pink or plaid or tangerine, and it isn't on the cube, just quit being so difficult and choose a real color.
DON'T: Spend so much time on this enormous decision that you decide not to decide, and try to solve all the colors at once to be fair. We all like inclusion, but dude, that's a bit extreme.
Step Three: Solve The Color
This means getting all the little squares of your chosen color onto one side of the cube. It's harder than it sounds, believe me.
DO: Do it the right way. I don't actually know what that is, bearing in mind that I can't solve this dumb thing. But I'm sure you can figure it out.
DON'T: Give up and go find a less stressful toy. Hang in there! You can do it!
Step Four: Mess Up The Color That You Just Solved
This is the worst part for me. I don't get it. Usually, when I try to solve this thing, I go find someone to solve the color for me, then I try to solve the rest. But they tell me that I have to mess up the beautiful side that was just solved in order to do the rest. What madness is this?
DO: Mess up the color in dramatic slow motion, with tears streaming down your face, and desperate promises that you will put it back together soon. Epic background music would be good, too.
DON'T: Ponder the stupidity of this awful cube, and how it is a device sent to Earth to torture humans into madness. Otherwise, you might be tempted to give up and do something easier, like compute quantum physics or juggle a flaming car.
Step Five: Umm...Solve It?
Sorry, but at this point I can't help you any longer. My brain just exploded from stress and overuse. But I wish you luck in your quest to solve the menace we call a Rubik's Cube, in the hopes that you do not meet the same dreadful end. Farewell, my friend. May the Force be with you.
We'll stick with our rubber band ball; it just seems safer. Can any of you solve a Rubik's cube?
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