Despite the cold weather and the Christmas tree still in the living room, you should already have your spring break plans set in stone by this point. All the best hotels in all the best locations will be booked solid by the time you finish reading this sentence. If you don’t want to end up staying 80 miles away from the beach in a hotel that doubles as a horse milk farm, then you'd better act fast.
Hitting the beach is a popular option. You may also want to book a tropical cruise or a trip to Europe. Of course, there are far better places to spend your week of freedom. Too bad they don’t exist. Still, never give up hope. Here are our top ten fictional spring break hot spots.
10. Jurassic Park
Yes, it’s dangerous. But that’s part of its charm. Thanks to a greedy computer programmer, the park is as safe and secure as an unguarded candy bowl on Halloween with a sign that reads, “Please take only one piece, please.” Bring sunscreen and a shotgun. BTW: How great is the pterodactyl scene in Jurassic Park 3? The answer: Extremely.
9. The Batcave
We wouldn’t get in Batman’s way. Honest. It would just be fun to watch him work, and maybe while he’s out fighting crime, we could use his giant computer to look up our old high school crushes. (For no real reason, we assume his giant computer is sort of like a high-tech version of Facebook.)
8. The Island from LOST
It’s nice quiet getaway, and for $30 you can get a souvenir T-shirt that says, “I watched six seasons and all I got was a lousy church scene.” During your stay, you can feed the smoke monster sunflower seeds, pet a real dead polar bear, and live forever.
7. Hogwarts
Come for the magic. Stay for the endless buffet. The only downside is that it’s cold and damp in this area of England—not very Springy at all. You’d think the wizards would have control over the weather by now. Perhaps they can’t set the temperature because they’re too busy NOT teaching the kids math and science. SNAP!
6. Halloween Town (From The Nightmare Before Christmas)
This is a slow time of year for the folks in Halloween Town. That means cheap hotel rates and shorter lines at the jet ski rental hut. Warning: you may have to sing about your feelings and desires.
5. 100 Acre Wood (Winnie-the-Pooh’s world)
Yeah, this is sort of childish and doesn’t seem like a place to go to get rowdy and blow off steam. But the animals in the 100 Acre Wood are ridiculously stupid and gullible. With a few well-chosen words, you can become their emperor. Plus, if you’re a young lady looking for love, Pooh Corner is filled with eligible bachelors like Tigger and Pooh himself. Come to think of it, there’s only one woman in that entire universe, Kanga, and she already has a family. Ladies, rub honey on your faces. It’s time to go bear hunting.
4. Middle Earth
You’ll want to spend most of the time in the Shire, where you can actually relax and have fun. The elven cities are too prim and proper. The cities of men are too corrupt. Morodor smells like feet and eggs. But the Hobbit’s hometown is filled with friendly people who do little but eat and sleep. Not a bad way to spend a week.
3. The Future (From Back to the Future Part II)
Two words: Hover boards.
2. The Mushroom Kingdom
Super Mario is hogging all the fun. We want to step on turtles too! Plus, this kingdom is so cluttered with gold coins that you can grab thousands of dollars with each step you take. Downside: There’s only one woman, and she’s usually the cause of some sort of drama. The world also smells like mushrooms and turtle guts.
1. Funky Town
Won’t you take me to—Funky Town? Won't you take me to—Funky Town? Won't you take me to—Funky Town?
Why the hell not? Jerk. We’re going to remember this the next time you need a ride to the craft store.
What's your dream fictional spring break destination?
Related post: Fake 'n' Break
Topics: Life
Tags: travel, vacations, spring break
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