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My Hipster Resolution

My Hipster Resolution

By Contributor

~ArtotheEm~ has big plans for the new year; if she follows her schedule to a T, she'll be a true-blue hipster for sure!—Sparkitors

2010 is almost over—which means we all have to start thinking about resolutions for 2011. This time around, I’m not setting myself up for failure with vague ambitions like "I'll exercise or something." This time, my goal will surely be a fantastic success, and might even change my life forever. So what's my resolution? I'm going to go Hipster. Since the key to any good resolution is to break it down into small, specific goal-chunks, here are my monthly goals:

January: Replace all plain jeans with too-long skinny jeans and cuff them. Donate the rest of my clothes—unless they're flannel. Go to Goodwill and start collecting "vintage" over-sized men's shirts and unflattering pants. Also, find a long gold necklace with a mysterious charm/locket/birdcage attached.

February: Learn how to play the guitar, mandolin, banjo, or ukulele. Also learn how to play the piano, but be modest about it.

March: Delete everything on my iTunes unless it's an acoustic cover of something. Search for new tunes using keywords like "obscure,"  "ironic," and "bands no one's heard of."

April: Scout out a good coffee shop, the kind that has couches, sells books, and hosts small concerts. Choose a sophisticated beverage to order consistently until the baristas know my name and order by heart.

May: Update my reading list. Classic lit, modern poetry, and philosophy texts are good starting points. Buy my favorites pre-beat-up from a secondhand store and camp out in the coffee shop, reading them with a pained look on my face.

June: Do not wear shoes at all during the summer months. Invest in a good skirt for field-romping.

July: Buy an impressive camera. This might be cost-prohibitive, but as long as it's big and worn around my neck, I don't think anyone will notice if it's working.

August: Start a blog where I write profound things and post my black and white photography. Humorous posts should be rare and too sophisticated or obscure for most people to understand.

September: Make hipster friends. Hopefully this will already be happening as I integrate myself into the lifestyle, but as a back-up, I'll use the first month of school to make sure I've found an entourage. Start a folk band with said entourage and name it after a dead Russian poet.

October: Hipster Boyfriend Acquisition Month. Must be a musician, wear skinny jeans, and have facial hair. Any glasses must be black-framed. Haunt the coffee shop together. We'll only kiss on the nose or hair; it's classier. Bonus points if he’s a barista.

November: Plan weekend trips to the nearest railroad station, abandoned park, or pumpkin patch. Take artsy photos with the entourage and boyfriend.

December: Celebrate my completely unique lifestyle. Stare thoughtfully out the coffee shop windows with hipster boyfriend and judge all the posers that walk by.

Above all else, you must NOT FORGET THE FLANNEL.

Related post: HipSTAR School Supplies

Topics: Life
Tags: ridiculous things, funny things, hipsters, new years resolutions

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