Aaaah, poetry. It is the food of love. The greatest expression of emotion. The horror of the fifth grade. Am I right? Can I get a “what what”?!
Okay. So. Poetry. As someone who has written pages upon pages of miserably sappy poetry, I can tell you that there is a special formula to creating incredible prose. Don’t believe me? Well strap yourselves in, kids, and put on your poetry mittens: you’re about to get proof.
Star Wars Poem By Megan Prietzel
I wish I were a jedi,
I could jump so high,
Pilot through the space-sky,
If I were a jedi.
Han Solo would love me so,
I’d boss around C3PO,
My lightsaber so bright would glow.
And the Rancor is cool.
Now do you understand why my advice is crucial to any aspiring poet?!?! No? Well, I’mma tell you anway!
Romantic Poetry. Picture this: you’re sitting in English as the teacher drones on about the symbolism of the comet in The Scarlet Letter. Across the room, you spot him. He’s the man for you. He’s dangerous, handsome, and he understands what a comma splice is. He’s perfection and you must claim him. IMMEDIATELY. You realize that you have several options. You could shoot a spitball at him. You could stare at him unblinkingly until your eyes start watering uncontrollably and the room floods with your eyeball sweat. You could do this:
I don’t know how successful that would be, but probably less successful than this: write him a love poem. Writing a love poem is simple. Choose from this list of rhyming pairs below, and then just tack them on to the end of basically any phrase:
1. Rose, grows
2. Love, dove
3. Penicillin, squid
4. Romance, dance
For example: Our love is a rose, each day it grows, I am filled with love, flying high as a dove, you are penicillin, I like to watch squid, what a blooming romance, lovely as a sweet dance.
If you use these phrases, you cannot fail in your romantic endeavors. Have I ever given you bad advice before?
Expressing the deep dark hole that is adolescence through poetry. For most of us, high school is on par with a burning lake of lava in terms of how much we want to sit there for most of the day. Tack on romantic endeavors, the stress of homework and tests, and parents who totes don’t understand, and you’ve got yourself an emotional web of teenage angst and sorrow. Some people will tell you that the way to happiness is through responsible behavior and a good attitude. I’m here to tell you that all you really need is a pen, some paper…and a soul. (Did you see how poetic that line was? I’m about to do it again…in my heart. BAM!)
Now, I happened to love high school. Nothing bad ever happened to me. I was always an academic success. was never overemotional and everyone was nice to me all the time and boys totally thought my bangs were hot that one time that I cut them myself. Yep.
...Please excuse me while I weep silently in my remembering corner for a few minutes.
Um. Ahem. Anyway. Poetry is a great way to express how you feel. Make sure to never show your poems to anyone ever because one day you will look back at your old poetry journals and will choke on your embarrassment. Don’t worry, though. Being sappy and melodramatic is totally the point. Be certain to rhyme “life” with “strife.” A lot. As often as possible.
Also, use these phrases:
1. Black hole
2. Gaping black hole
3. Emptiness inside
4. Stella will get what’s coming to her one day, I just know it.
5. Sea of sorrow
These two forms of poetry are all you will ever need to know ever. Don’t let your English teacher tell you otherwise when studying his precious “Poetry Unit.” PSH! You just tell him that Megan told you what’s up, and that he can’t trick you anymore with his fancy mind trick speak of “meter” and “rhythm” and so-called “prose.” His response will probably be enough to inspire a new angsty poem, so pretty much he’d be doing you and your art a favor. Take that, Mr. Hodson. Take that.
This post just made our Grinch-y hearts grow 5 times bigger. Plus, we have six-pack abs from laughing so hard. WINNER.
Related posts: Megan's Life Lessons