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Flyergirl13 Tells You How—To Win Any Argument

Flyergirl13 Tells You How—To Win Any Argument

flyergirl13's tips will guarantee that you never lose an argument again—unless you're arguing against US.—Sparkitors

Winning arguments is a critical life skill, and it comes in handy every single day. Whether you're convincing your parents that you NEED that Time-Turner necklace from Harry Potter World or convincing your Calculus teacher that he owes you an extra 35 points on your final exam, it's vital to know exactly how to persuade your adversaries that you are right and they are wrong. This guide will illustrate how to argue so effectively that your opponent will bow down before you and accept your words as truth, even if they know for a fact you are completely wrong. And that, my friends, is the power of arguing.

Step One: Start An Argument
Obviously, it's rather difficult to show off your arguing skills if there's nothing to argue about. So the first step is to start an argument. Simply disagree with everything that anyone says, and soon they'll be annoyed enough to start yelling at you. That's when the fun begins!

DO: Yell "You're wrong!" after just about everything that anyone says.

Teacher: "The chemical symbol for sodium is Na."
You:"YOU'RE WRONG! I don't believe in the Periodic Table! You can't force this on me! NEVER!"

Friend: "I hope we don't go outside in gym today— it's snowing!"
You: "YOU'RE WRONG! Snow isn't even real! Snow is a myth!"

DON'T: Agree with people. No one ever argues about something they agree with. It's just stupid.

Teacher: "The chemical symbol for sodium is Na."
You: *writes the fact down* "That's very true. I couldn't agree more."

Friend: "I hope we don't go outside in gym today—it's snowing!"
You: "I know! I only have a sweatshirt —I'd freeze!"

Step Two: Distract Them
If your opponent focuses too much on the argument, she might think of a good point that could destroy your thesis. By distracting her from the issue at hand, you can easily win the debate.

DO: Say something totally random so they'll be caught off guard.

Teacher: "President Andrew Jackson dramatically changed the presidency of the United States."
You: "YOU'RE WRONG!"
Teacher: "What?"
You: "Chimichangas are my favorite food!"

Friend:"I have so much homework this weekend!"
You: "YOU'RE WRONG!"
Friend: "What?"
You: "Whoa! I think Taylor Lautner is walking by your locker! He looks like he's shirtless, too."
Friend: "Really? Where?!"

DON'T: Cause bodily harm.

Teacher: "President Andrew Jackson dramatically changed the presidency of the United States."
You: "Wrong!" *smacks teacher with shovel* "That's what you get for misrepresenting US history!"

Friend: "I have so much homework this weekend!"
You: "Yeah, right." *unsheaths sword with evil glint in your eye*

Step Three: Insult Your Opponent
This is crucial. A good insult will drive your opponent to insanity and confusion, and then you will be left riding the victory cow!

DO: Borrow insults from the Frenchman in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Extra Credit: Say the insults with a French accent.

Teacher: "The sum of the angles in a triangle is 180 degrees."
You: "False! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

Friend: "Look at my new pen! It's purple!"
You: "I fart in your general direction!"

DON'T: Make up your own insults. They probably won't work as well.

Teacher: "The sum of the angles in a triangle is 180 degrees."
You: "Yeah, right. Your mom is 180 degrees."

Friend: "Look at my new pen! It's purple!"
You: "Yeah, right. Your mom is purple."

Step Four: Run
Once you've sufficiently argued your point, run away. Then, they can't argue against you! Believe me, it works.

DO: Make a dramatic exit.

Teacher: "The French word for dog is "chien."
You: "Completely untrue!" *disappear in a cloud of orange smoke*

Friend: "Ooh, look, they're selling tickets for the winter dance!"
You: "You couldn't be more incorrect, and I blow my nose at you!" *Skip away down the hallway singing "A Whole New World"*

DON'T: Mess up your dramatic exit.

Teacher: "The French word for dog is "chien."
You: "Completely untrue!" *try to disappear in a cloud of orange smoke, have your hair catch fire, and fall on the floor gasping while the whole class stares at you*

Friend: "Ooh, look, they're selling tickets for the winter dance!"
You: "You're couldn't be more incorrect, and I blow my nose at you!" *Skip away down the hallway, burst into song, and crash into the principal, who gives you detention*

How do you win an argument? Hopefully it doesn't involve any shovel-smacks or flaming deaths.

Related post: How Not To Lose An Argument With Your Parents

Topics: Life
Tags: guides, ridiculous things, funny things, arguments, flyergirl tells you how

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