The Friday Awards

We are amazed at HADS dedication. Nice job, guys! —Sparkitors

Hey Sparklers! We apologize for the unexpected two week break from Friday Awards, but something came up.

However, we are back, in full force! In  attempt to win back your loyalty, this week’s Friday Awards shall be a little long and will include comments from the weeks that we haven’t done.

This week’s thing to think about is: if you had no other choices, would you rather walk backwards for a day or crawl for a day?

Now, the awards!

The You Should Make Fitness Videos Award goes to hlucero06 for this comment on the Ten Ways To Burn Or Avoid Calories post:

Before going to sleep, tape your breakfast to your back. That way, when you wake up, you'll spend time frantically searching for it. Frantically searching for food = burning calories.

Smell candles. And perfumes. And anything smelly. ALL. THE. TIME. Your nose will be so tired, your food will taste like bland feet. Who wants to eat bland feet? Not me!

Get in a chopstick fight with an overweight panda for a dumpling. All that hard work will certainly break a sweat.

Do chores around the house. Mop, vacuum, clean the gutters, take out the garbage, prepare a 5 course meal, do EVERYTHING. You'll avoid food, AND get a raise in allowance (cha-ching!).

Finally, think about the grossest things in the universe. A rotting dead kitten being peed on, or poop. You'll be so disgusted, you won't be able to look at food.

[Note: I am in no way promoting eating disorders. ]

The We Knew Always Thinking About SparkLife Posts Would Pay Off Award goes to aRPGfan for this comment on the same post:

I do #3 a lot. I've learned that the best way to induce fits of laughter is to read posts on Sparknotes, then think about the funny things you read during the day. Seriously, I think I've lost about five pounds since I joined Sparknotes. And I might have reinforced the idea that I'm insane when I randomly burst out laughing while writing a test or sitting in class, which makes me laugh even harder.

The Photography Abuse Award goes to sarahthesaltedslug for this comment on the post about surviving picture day:

I was manhandled by the photographer. I wasn't adjusted correctly, so he came over, yanked my head into place, then tried to take a picture. My entire grade watched this happen. We all started laughing, so I probably look really weird in it.

The That’s One Smart Photographer Award goes to A_thousand_little_Julia’s for this comment on the same post:

the photographer at my school this year made me say "i love boys." then,l i wasn't saying it with enough enthusiasm (hmm maybe because i'm not 5? i don't really know...) so then he told me to say i love harry potter instead. good choice, mr.photographer. you finally got a smile out of me.

The Extreme Talent Award goes to Fire_Cracker13 for this comment on the elbows post:

I can lick my elbow, like fo realz.

That's right everybody-- I can legit lick my elbow!! I would show you all if I could... but I can't. All I can say is that if you bend your elbow and try to reach it by stretching your neck over your arm, you're doing it wrong. What I do is I turn my arm all the way around from the shoulder joint so the inside of the elbow is facing up, pop my elbow joint out of its socket so that it kind of bends backwards, and then stretch my neck under the elbow and stretch my tongue as far as it will go, and it reaches just enough to take a good, long lick!

Now if only elbows tasted like ice cream or Tootsie pops... (how many licks, really?)

The No, They’re Seven Reasons Why You Are Awesome Award goes to rasta.soul29 for this comment on the same post:

7 Reasons elbows are a benign bone of our body and not a conspiracy segregation:
1. Without them, we wouldn´t be able to hold our head from falling and prevent a possible head concussion in math.
2. It makes punching people in their faces really stress-releasing
3. They are just another excuse for buying 1 gallon of body cream, which your mother will taciturnly fall for.
4. Without them, It would be rather impossible to impersonate "The thinker" by Rodin-dude and his thinking position.
5. When someone hits their elbow and nerve endings, it is completely alright to laugh! I mean come on, it´s laughable, unless it´s you suffering. Then It would be HYSTERICAL!
6. Um, when you scratch it, it´s so dry, it leaves white marks on it, which look like really cool starch, plus when you have a scar included, it cannot be more fun to just scrape that thing off entirely.
7. Without them, you wouldn´t be able to stroke your pet unicorn, reach the kool-aid glass without spilling it entirely over your unicorn, and certainly you wouldn´t be able to hug it in forgiveness.

That´s it, so keep elbowing people without feeling miserable!

The We’re So Sorry Award goes to rainbow/colored/stockings for this comment on the braving the OT post:

When I saw OT, I thought of overtime. I work with children. Three badly behaved children. Overtime makes me cry. 0_o

The Interesting Fact: Oregon Trail Actually Lets You Buy 2,000 Pounds Of Bacon Award goes to Apocalyn87 for this comment on the same post:

If you don't mind, would you post a guide about Surviving the Oregon Trail? Because I keep dying on that game, from starvation and resorting to cannibalism.

Great post! xD

The Sincere Sympathy Award goes to Wyndemere for this comment on the So You Didn’t Get Tickets To Harry Potter….Now What? post:

You know what sucks?
I did have tickets to the midnight premiere, in my hand. I also bought a special black snuggie that I was going to convert into a Hogwarts robe.
But them I got sick, and my mom wouldn't let me go. I cried.

The Beautiful Post Idea Award goes to ShinYelloWaffle for this comment on the annoying friends post:

Ohhh...at first I thought this was a post on how to annoy friends properly...I was all like, "Woah, kudos sparknotes, you shouldn't be annoying people if you can't do it right, ya, this'll show 'em."
Then I realized that it was a guide about friends who annoy *you*...and I got a little less happy...but it's still an awesome post.

The Golden Snitch…Er Costume Award goes to marsquatch18 for this comment on the Deathly Hallows guide:

I brought a broom, a CleanSweep '11 model, and did a lap around the seats. Those muggles cheered like they've never seen a quidditch player before.

The Diplomatic Ambassador Award goes to ccgal15888 for this comment on the Ugg post:

on behalf of australia....i apologise for this abomination...

The Hey, A Girl Can Dream Award goes to sgtpepper191 for this comment on the Wuthering Heights post:

But you forgot to tell us what Smeyer's thoughts on reading this chapter were! I can only assume that this is because she was assassinated by a squadron of ninja monkeys, making it even more impossible for her to think than it always has been.

The Please, Anything But That Award goes to wallfairy for this comment on Blogging Breaking Dawn:

I'm starting to worry that all of the hatred that Dan is building up against this abomination of a book might cause him health problems or just unnecessary stress (anything caused by Stephanie Meyer is unnecessary). Then he might have to go to Renesmee's yoga center.

The How Come We Never Thought Of That? Award goes to Paranoid_But_Innocent_ for this comment on the The Real Origins of Thanksgiving post:

The Martian Theory: Thanksgiving was created by the Martian secret service(headed by my little brother) in order to fatten us up, make us all fall asleep, then hit the stores before the winter holidays rush.

The Sounds Like Fun (Not) Award goes to KumaPanda for this comment on the warning post against chemistry:

I hate chemistry too! But not because of the subject (well, actually, yes, for the subject) but more of because of my evil sadistic chemistry teacher than anything else. He teachers all 6 periods of chemistry and his first period class was AP chemistry (he's the only AP chem teacher). So the chances of getting him as your teacher is pretty high. I had him for my last period, which is just the perfect way to wreck a good day when school is almost over. He's the type of teacher who loves to describe disturbing images right before the labs.

For example:

Mr. EVIL: Today we're going to be making copper from silver aluminum foil.

Only Kid with an A in his class: Yes!

Other Kids: Groan.

Mr. EVIL: Oh, and if you don't be careful, you might burn yourself, but hey, you'll have a pretty cool face for Halloween.

And he says all of this in a very sarcastic dry tone. Yes, he does this everyday. And he loves picking on the quiet kids (me). Yeah, what a lovely teacher, huh? -sarcastically-

The Drama…King? Award to z2013g for this comment on the Mankler post:

I am (dramatic music) a mankler! I (dramatic music) don't like sports! I (dramatic music) am going to finish my research paper now. I (dramatic music) will hopefully be back to join some fellow manklers on the open threads. (dramatic EXIT music)

The What’s Better—Harry Potter or SparkLife? Award goes to Musical Sage for this comment on the Thankful post:

Darn. I was off by a minute. That, and I didn't know they were going to have posts today since it's Thanksgiving. Now I know what I'm thankful for: Sparknotes for still posting on Thanksgiving. You guys are my life (after Harry Potter, of course).

The You’d Better Be Thankful For SparkLife—Or Else. Just Kidding. Award goes to NotYourAverageEscapade for this comment on the same post:

I'm thankful for great friends and rainbows and unicorns and Harry Potter... and, of course, SPARKLIFE!!!

The YES! AVPS Fans UNITE! Award goes to 2emalha for this comment on the same post:

Umbridge: Protein shakes, falcon eggs and rocks

PLEASE tell me you guys have seen AVPS?

The If Johnny Depp Looked Like A Normal Person, We Don’t Know If We’d laugh Or Cry Award goes to fitzgeralfan841 for this comment on the same post:

Angelina Jolie: Johnny Depp actually showed up to film The Tourist looking like a normal person...

The Is Un-Thankful A Word? We Wish It Was! Award goes to rasta.soul29 for this comment on the same post:

I´m thankful for...
1. My warm, cozy bed to that hosts me on agitated days
2. Deathly hallows
3. Lolcats´ comical fiasco
4. Sparknotes

Things I´m un-thankful for...
1. Sparknotes limited access in campus
2. Rain
3. Grandma´s buttocks
4. Disgusting tofu

The If You’re Serious, We’re Scared Award goes to 2emalha for this comment on the Avoiding the Hiccups post:

Ah the scourge that is hiccups...my Year 5 teacher who was this GINORMOUS man (at least he seemed ginormous to 10 year old me) used to hold us upside down by our ankles if we had the hiccups (no joke) or tap us repeatedly on the head with his collection of rubber hammers...ah the good old days

The We Wish Our Teachers Would Force-Feed Us Sugar Award goes to thelastcard for this comment on the same post:

In the second grade I had the worst case of hiccups, ever. It got so bad that in art class, my usually strict teacher took me aside and made me promise not to tell my mother. Naturally, I was a little confused until she poured an entire package of sugar down my throat. I was on a sugar high until the next week.

The Mary SparkLife Poppins goes to I’d Rather Be in Dublin for this comment on the same post:

A spoonful of sugar. Not only does it help the medicine go down -- it gets rid of the hiccups. It works for me - and it tastes delicious...

The And It’s Not Even A Lie–We’re ALWAYS Tired Award goes to Pistaciosaregreat for this comment on the Awkward Conversations post:

I usually just say 'I'm sooo so tired'
To which the awkwardee will reply 'SAME' to (because everyone is constantly tired)
And then you can just complain about how you had to get up this morning.

The Yes, Tuning Them Out Always Helps Award goes to Icepal for this comment on the same post:

Here's what I do:

Bring up something that they normally would talk about - like say, with an Aunt, "That blah blah you made was so blah blah - how exactly did you blah blah it?"
That gets them talking and they go into the EXACT details of everything - then all I do is listen (or pretend to) and nod, nod, nod, smile, smile, nod...
This is a great time to think about things that you plan on doing - it's a good time to organize your thoughts, some story's plot,some book - whatever requires thinking, and then you won't feel like you wasted your time at all.

The We Can’t Decide If That’s Rude Or Epic Award goes to CrayonsPink for this comment on the same post:

I just walk away from awkward conversations. Bonus points if they're in the middle of a sentence.

The What?! They Make SQUARE WATERMELONS? Our. Minds. Are. Blown. Award goes to iloverockmusic99 for this comment on the same post:

If you really want an awesomesauce way to change the subject, just say:

"So, did you know they make square watermelons?"

A girl in my class did that, and 90 kids suddenly started talking about square watermelons. It was pretty epic.

The This Is Just Like Luna Lovegood. In Other Words, Amazing Award goes to somnumandy for this comment on the same post:

I find that nonchalantly saying somthing like " unicorns ate my pet pengiun and my watermelon has found it's solace in the sun" then walking away usually helps the awkwardness

The Go “Hang A Salami, I’m A Lasagna Hog” Award goes to zueller for this comment on the same post:

Bring up palindromes. a lot of people dont know what they are and they are pretty darn cool. But maybe that's just my own geeky opinion.

"Derek I like red" (this one is fantastic if the other person's name happens to be "derek"

The Wikipedia Editor of the Week Award goes to Holyhead_Harpy for this comment on the Best of SparkLife post:

Whoa! That quote "SparkNotes also has an entire section devoted to other "life" aspects, called SparkLife (including) blogs such as Blogging Twilight, by the much beloved Dan Bergstein." ... I wrote it! Seriously!

I was on wikipedia... much after I had officially considered myself a Sparkler, and I realized there was nothing about Sparklife as I read the Sparknotes page, so, as a loyal Sparkler, I clicked edit and inserted what I knew.

I looked at wikipedia just now and I see that (hopefully) Sparkitors are the ones who recently edited it so its more official, but that is sooo cool to think someone quoted me!

The No, It Was *Totally* Awesome Award goes to iwearfiestapants for this comment on the cabin fever post:

My best friend got snowed into my house for FOUR days last year. It was awesome, in a really maddening way. We made cookies, watched AVPM (it was her first time!) and set up a huge blanket fort and pitted my stuffed animals against each other in a war.

It was awesome.

The Wow, Throwing Things? It’s Like On Glee! Award goes to shinyninja for this comment on the Dairy of a Transfer Student post:

Sometimes it isn't good having really laid back rules. We have a fight almost every week at my school, and I live in a rural town. Also, some teachers are just plain EVIL. They start yelling at you, throwing stuff (it's happend), and sometimes even cussing at the students. *shudders*

The You Know, Now That You Mention It…YES! Award goes to ez30yankee for this comment on the My Crush is a Disney Hero post:

Anybody else think that Simba is kinda hot?
For a lion, I mean.

The Yes, We Love Boyfriends Who Bite Award goes to twins4evah for this comment on the same post:

Oh gosh. I love all these Disney dudes.  But, you left out Beast/Prince Adam, from Beauty and the Beast! *sighs dreamily* He is such a sweetie pie.  I mean, at first, he's all like GRRR and stuff, but then he starts to soften as he falls in L-O-V-Eeeeee

Ahaaa! Flynn is my newest Disney crush. He. Is. So. Adorable. Heehee.  Whatttt? No, of course I am not swooning over his (well, err, actually, Zach Levi's) voice or his computer-generated floppy brown hair. Pshhhhh. Why'd you ever think of such a thing?

The Books And Fur Make The Man Award goes to T_Pierce for this comment on the same post:

Also, how could the Beast not make this list! I always thought he was the perfect guy because he could do what none of the other princes could/did: put his true love before himself. Yes some of these guys would die for their girls, but none of them are willing to let their girl go if ever they got dumped. Plus, have you seen his library!? He's every nerdy bookworm's dream.

The Presents Are From Martians Award goes to MarauderPrincess for this comment on the Santa post:

:O SANTA CLAUS IS REAL!

WHERE ELSE DO ALL THOSE PRESENTS COME FROM!?

The POP-TARTS Rock My World Award goes to peaceonearth34 for this comment on the same post:

A POP TARTS WORLD??????!!!!!!

I can die happy.

The I Think I Remember You! Did You Have Blue Pants On? And White Socks? I Think I Remember! Award goes to NotYourAverageEscapade for this comment on the same post:

Even if you know you won't ever see that SC again you can still think about him and imagine how great it'd be if you did see him again and you went up to him and told him, "I know you! You're that boy I saw that one day when I was wearing a purple shirt and I was at Target and I was buying socks and Christmas decorations and I saw you in the toothpaste aisle and so I went down that aisle too and bumped into "accidentally" and then I... Oh... you don't know remember me, do you?...I'll, um, just leave now..." I mean, you can still think about meeting him again, right? RIGHT??!!

Not that I've ever done that before... I have thought about it though...

The Message for the North Pole Award goes to MarauderPrincess for a comment on this crush post:

And also, I would love the dog in that picture. Santa? Can you hear me? Kthxbai.

The Amazing Summarizing Award goes to Ileya for a comment on this Maximum Ride post:

Book 4 in tl;dr version because I wanna join in with the mocking:
JAMES PATTERSON: Hm, I feel like making everyone read about global warming. But I wanna make money too. OH, I KNOW!! (begins typing into his computer and image fades to black)
---
MAX: Okay gang, we're going to SAVE THE CUTESY WOOTSY PENGUINS!
ANGEL: I have forty nine new powers
(Flock goes to Antarctica)
RANDOM FEMALE DOCTOR WHO LIKES FANG (BRIDGIT): I'm flirting with you, Fang, even though you're, like, fourteen and I'm at least in my late twenties!
FANG: OMGZ COOL! ... Wait, couldn't this be illegal if we take it too far?
BRIDGIT: Yeah, but Max hates redheads and vampires have 26 chromosomes!
FANG: Good point.
MAX: *jealous* OKAY, PENGUIN SAVING TIME!
(The next few hundred pages are JP's environment rant)
(After that, something happens with dogs and Angel)
VILLAIN DUDE: I have you now my pretties! And I'm selling you to Russia, or China, or... like, somewhere that is stereotypically bad.
FLOCK: FLOWER POWER WEATHER CONTROL!
(There's a hurricane. Everyone is happy.)

The Smart Idea Award goes to ez30yankee for a comment on this post about Facebook ruining lives:

Me no has a facebook. Why?
Judging by how addicted I already am to Sparknotes, that probably isn't such a great idea.

The Breathe In, Breathe Out Award goes to sgtpepper191 for a comment on this post about what celebs are thankful for:

Paris Hilton: That her body remembers how to turn oxygen into carbon dioxide all by itself, because she like SO was not paying attention to that lesson in remedial biology.

LOL Points to emMCie for a comment on the same post:

As always, I felt the need to add to the list...

The Wicked Witch of the West: Zappos. Now she doesn't have to fight Dorothy for those red shoes.

Willow Smith: Her Weave. She wouldn't have a top ten single without it.

President Obama: The Secret Service men assigned to his dog. Otherwise, we know who'd be stuck pooper scooping...

ShamWOW: The Snuggie. Finally. A worse infomercial.

MOAR LOL Points go to:

pretty_little_writer for this comment on the Ten Ways To Burn Or Avoid Calories post:

They should have put Black Friday shoppping on this list (doorbusters=running+screaming+live cage fights=massive calorie burn)!

*Amadeus on the time-wasting websites post:

I wish I could go on Neopets at school without embarrassment.

Wait... what? I didn't mean NEOPETS... I meant... yeah, I've got nothing.

DontWorryBeHappy:) on the Deathly Hallows guide:

Dobby!!!!!!!!!!!!  I totally did all of these things last night when I saw it. My friend and I dressed up as a Ravenclaw (me) and a Slytherin (her) and it was soooo fun!!!!!! Just seeing other people as excited about the movie as me was amazing. Also, you end up getting conversations like this:

Me: "Look! It's Cho Chang!"
Brother: "Racist sister."

theoreticalgrrl on Blogging Breaking Dawn:

If Optimus Beyonce is growing so quickly, it won't be long before Jacob isn't a baby dater!

One week later though, he'll be visiting her in the nursing home and spoon-feeding her oatmeal.

Maura44 for this comment on the How To Woo A Mankler post:

So it wasn't the hairstyle that confused him, it was the intepretive dance! Alright, I have to go make up an I'm-Sorry-For-Confusing-You-With-My-Interpretive-Dance-Will-You-G o-Out-With-Me-Please-I-Swear-I'm-Not-A-Stalker-Even-Though-I-Know -Where-You-Live-No-Really dance. Be right back!

Tina_the__Llama for this comment on the same post:

i estimate that only about 14.638% of Sparklers are Manklers. so this guide needs to be followed up by a public declaration of all the Manklers revealling themselves to the Sparklife Community.

Chabelinni for this comment on the warning post against chemistry:

I know ONE school where chem is actually where you BLOW up stuff. FOR THE FINALS. And you GET AN A if you mix this and that and a big BADA BADA BOOM! happens in your desk. One person actually succeded in this, if you get my reference.
*coughpercyjacksonseaofmonsters*cough*

OK, now that my excesive coughing has stopped, why don't we start our OWN chem class? Like, with UNICORN POOP and other cool stuff that is on Megan's Table of ELEMENTZ?? We could actually get a real wad of Justin "Me plus hair, I love shampoo" Beiber!!!!

amaryllismoon for this comment on the Blogging My Boy Diet: Why, Talie, Why? post:

I'm guilty of laughing too much when talking to guys that I like...
Guy: So, how are you?
Me: *giggle* good! *giggle* you? *gigglegiggle*
Guy: ...Good. Are you okay?
Me: *maniacal laughter*
Guy: *backs away slowly*

Well, I might be exaggerating a bit. Okay, a lot. Still though!

Apocalyn87 for this comment on the kid food post:

-quiet voice- I still like Handi Snacks.

-puts on confidence pants-

I mean, seriously! It's like, CHEESE, spreadable CHEESE, with a red doo-bobber, and crackers!!

Life can't get better than that, I'm afraid.

fitzgeraldfan841 for this comment on the same post:

Now that I think about it, Lunchables have hardly any food in them! How did I survive with like four crackers, four tiny slices of bologna and cheese, and a Butterfinger? It was hardly even food!

Coffinmaker for this comment on his Wuthering Heights post:

You people are all awesome. Even the spammers are slightly more awesome than normal spammers.

Thanks for commenting!

Also to iwearfiestapants for:

I won a contest once. I was 8 and I colored in a tie with puffy paint. Since it was for fathers day, I didn't even get the prize. Whoop de doo.

CONGRATS SPARKLERS & MANKLERS!!!