TeenAuthorsForTheWin has advice for the Manklers! Eh, let’s face it, it’s more of a demand. –Sparkitors
Hey, Manklers! How’d you like to get this Sparklette’s attention? You’re just one box of hair bleach and sack of black clothing away from getting noticed in a big way. That's because you, yes you, can rock it like everybody’s favorite vampire! NO, not Edweird Cullen. Spike, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Here’s how Spike rolls:
DO wear black on black on black. Black shirts, black jeans, black boots, black dusters, BLACK UNDERWEAR. It doesn't work when Angel tries it, but Spike makes it work with his wiry frame and his sexiness and… ahem, I'll stop now.
DON'T black out your eyes. You’ll look more Billy Idol than Spike.
DO sometimes change it up with a nice red or blue shirt! Who wants to wear all black every day of their lives?
DON'T mistake “red shirt” for “other-colored shirt stained red with blood.” Not cool. You are a nice Spike. Not evil Spike the Bloody. Thank you.
DO bleach your hair WHITE BLOND. Believe me, the stark contrast between your attire and your hair will attract all the fangirls’—I mean, the LADIES’ attention. Don't listen to the people whispering about how totally out punks and goths are. Rock that fine new hair color, and slather it with loads of gel!
DON'T find a crazy chick who blathers on about nothing but stars talking and has flings with other men just because her dark hair looks so nice with your blond.
DO find a nice blonde. (Or, failing that, a NON-CRAZY brunette! I might, er, know of an interested party!)
DON'T pick a blonde who likes to play a good ol' round of “Kick the Spike (Impersonator).” It hurts. That is, it looks pretty painful when Buffy decides to break Spike's nose for the fifth time in a single episode.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST, DO ooze enough confidence to fill the ocean twice. You heard me, TWICE. Be sarcastic yet sweet, standoffish yet comforting, and somehow the most perfect person in the entire world. (Then call me. Please.)
With my foolproof list, you should have every girl in sight fawning over you! But don't you dare go near them! I made you, and I can break yo—I mean, good for you! Go for those lovely girls over there! Just watch out for my uppercut.
We think this advice is pretty unisex, actually. ESPECIALLY the part about wearing doublewide confidence pants. Anyone making the bleach-blonde plunge?
Related post: How to Dress Like a British "It" Girl
Write for SparkNotes! We might even publish your post on dressing like boring ol' Xander, as long as it's hilarious!