How To Deal With a Superstar Sibling

Did your freshman brother just make the varsity football team and become the most popular guy in school? thenameselodie can relate.—Sparkitors

Sibling rivalry—it’s been around forever. (Cain and Abel, I’m looking at you.) Maybe you've got a beautiful older sister who gets straight As and never seems to have anything stuck in her teeth, or maybe you have the quintessential big brother who everybody loves and adores. Trust me—the rivalry isn't going away. (Unless, of course, you and your sibling are BFFs who wear matching sweaters to school and say things in unison. But that’s sickening. Don’t do that.)

My brother’s a freshman, and he made the varsity football team. This is apparently a feat the likes of which no one in our town has ever seen. There is nothing—nothing—more humbling in life than looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, “My little brother is cooler than me.” I’m a senior; I’ve been at my high school for four years. Alex has been here for four months, and already he knows more people than I do. I was afraid the senior players would shun an incoming freshman, but the opposite has happened: they have conferred upon him the nickname “Big Al” and are teaching him secret handshakes. He has a budding bromance with the star running back (on whom I’ve had a crush since the Mesozoic Era), he eats lunch with the varsity players at their prestigious lunch table, and (as if that’s not enough) he scored the game-winning touchdown in one of their first games. Long ago, people used to ask him, “Aren’t you Elodie’s brother?” Now, people come up to me and say, “Hey, aren’t you Big Al’s sister? What’s your name again? Whatever. Alex is so awesome.”

So allow me to impart these gems of wisdom, fellow average siblings. It’s difficult to live in a family where the golden child is a blinding supernova of awesomeness, but I've got a few ideas about how to cope:

Situation: Someone asks, “Aren’t you [sibling]’s sister/brother?”
The Right Response: “Yes, I am.”
The Wrong Response: “No, I’m an only child. Or at least, I will be soon.” *insert malicious cackle here*
The Response That Ensures No One Ever Asks You Again: “Yeah, I am, and I am also SO [bleep]ING SICK of little [bleep]s like you asking that all the [bleep]ing time. I AM JUST AS TALENTED AND SPECIAL AS MY BROTHER! I AM!” *Sob* “What’s wrong with me? What's wrong with YOU? WHAT’S WRONG WITH SOCIETY?” *Weeps profusely*

Situation: Your sibling wins the big game/gets into Harvard/graduates college at the age of twelve/cures cancer/etc.
The Right Response: You congratulate them. You feel a tad jealous, but mostly proud. You’re happy for them.
The Wrong Response: You make a voodoo doll of them and feed it to the neighbor’s rabid pit bull.
The Response That Suggests You Need To Seek Professional Help: You spike their food with arsenic, kidnap them, place them in a trunk, and throw that trunk off a glacier.

Your parents favor them over you.
The Right Response: Talk to your parents. Tell them how their favoring of your sibling makes you feel less important. You’re likely to get sympathy and candy.
The Wrong Response: You hole up in your room, eat half your weight in chocolate, and become a recluse.
The Response That Will Earn You A One-Way Ticket To The Psych Ward: You smother your sibling with his own Spiderman pillow, then, for good measure, take out the parents too. Then you flee the scene and fade from the public eye.

How do you deal with your superstar sibling? Hopefully your answer doesn't include a Spiderman pillow!

Related post: How To Handle Annoying Siblings