We're totally jealous of this Sparkler. But at least we're honest about it! —Sparkitors
Dear Auntie SparkNotes,
Great news: I officially get to leave CrapTown, USA, which is where I live. I honestly hate it here and have always DREAMED of travelling and now that I officially get to be in an exchange program in Europe over the summer, I couldn't be happier. However, my happiness is being stunted because my stupid friend is ruining everything. I really don't want to sound petulant or self-absorbed, but the way she is acting is making me really unhappy and making me not even want to be around her anymore.
You see, I am paying for this trip with my sweat and blood (oh yeah, and my parents are helping a little bit) and I am actually using my life savings to do this: I want it that bad. However, whenever anyone asks me about the trip I am taking or I try and say anything about it, she jumps in with how it is a waste and how stupid it is and how much I am going to hate it. She will even make snide comments about how she wishes she had "richey-rich parents" who would let her do what ever she wanted, and this really bothers me since I really don't and I worked hard to pay for this thing almost entirely by myself. She will say how she knows so much more about the program because her brother went and was stolen from and how the area I am going to in Europe is ugly and then she just becomes quiet and rolls her eyes when I try and explain how everything works to her.
I am very modest and I know I am not bragging about anything because I realize how fortunate I am to go, I just don't understand why she is so bent up about this thing, especially when it doesn't even concern her. Our other friend has told me she is just jealous, but I don't think so since she has practically been all over the world because of her dad's job. Why is she acting this way and what should I do when she refuses to listen to anything I say?
Oh pfffffffft.
Honestly, I almost didn't answer this question—partly because yesterday's was quite similar, but mostly because it's just so obvious. Painfully obvious. Ridiculously obvious. The only way it could be more obvious is if your friend were to deck herself out in a green unitard, paint her skin a lovely shade of chartreuse, and wear a giant, flashing sign around her neck that read, in Broadway marquee-style lights, "JEALOUS HATER."
Because yes, she's jealous. And no, I don't know why. But everything she's done thus far—from insinuating that you're spoiled to claiming that you'll have a terrible time—points to a person consumed by raging insecurity. And, as deeply insecure people tend to do, she's been disparaging you and your plans in an attempt to make herself feel better.
Not that this makes it any less unpleasant for you, obviously. But knowing that this is about her, not you, is important when it comes to dealing with her attempts to sabotage your happiness. And your first order of business is to stop trying to "explain how everything works" in an attempt to change her mind. She's determined to diss your program, no matter what you say.
Irrational? Yep. Obnoxious? Definitely. But that doesn't change the fact that every time you try to discuss your trip with her, you're basically giving her an open invitation to pee on your parade. Sure, you could keep pushing the issue. But don't be surprised when you broach the subject, again, and she acts like a turd, again. But if minimizing drama is your goal, then just mark her down as unconvince-able and find someone else to share your excitement with.
Of course, I realized that you're already justifiably peeved—and that even when you don't bring it up, your friend will jump on any opportunity to trash-talk your plans. So how do you handle any future problems? It depends mostly on how interested you are in confronting her, which you should consider when choosing a comeback. Your options are:
Non-confrontational: The cheerful dismissal
Any time your friend interrupts you to say that your plans are a stupid waste of time and you're going to hate Europe, give her your perkiest smile and say, "Okay, thanks for your input!" or "Well, I hope you're wrong!" Then return to your conversation as though nothing happened.
Indirectly confrontational: The "Just humor her"
When your friend interrupts you to say that your plans are a stupid waste of time, exchange knowing/amused looks with everyone else present. When she finishes talking, look around as though your group has just been infiltrated by a mental ward escapee, say, "Okaaaaaay. I guess we should talk about this later, since it clearly makes Friend very upset."
Confrontation in the guise of a joke: The preemptive strike
When your friend begins to disparage your plans, interrupt her and say, "Wait, wait, let me guess! This is a stupid waste of time, I'm going to hate it, Prague is ugly, and I'm going to have a horrible time because your brother did this same program and he didn't like it. Did I miss anything?"
Major confrontation in the guise of a joke: The preemptive strike, with zing
When your friend begins to disparage your plans, interrupt her and say, "Wait, wait, let me guess! This is a stupid waste of time, I'm going to hate it, Prague is ugly, and all those other comments you like to make in an attempt to pretend that you're not insanely jealous that I get to go on this trip."
Totally confrontational: The B.S. call
When your friend says something negative about your plans, look her straight in the eye and say, "Every time somebody asks me about Europe, you make a snide remark. Would you like to explain why you're acting like this?" (If you care about your friend and want to try to work things out, say this in private. If you don't care and just want to shame the pants off her, say it in front of many, many people.)
But whatever you do, do not let one butthead's transparent attempts to ruin your fun actually ruin your fun. Your trip is going to be awesome. You know it, I know it, our readers know it... and hey, your friend knows it, too, or she wouldn't be working so hard to convince you otherwise. So enjoy making your plans, do your best to defuse her attacks, and take comfort in the fact that, upon your return, you can really cheese her cracker by innocently inviting her to look at your pictures from Europe.
All 3,740 of them.
More thoughts on jealous friends? Leave 'em in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.
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