The Do's and Don'ts of Being a Wing Person
You know that with great power comes great responsibility. But did you know that that advice applies not only to Spider Man, but to wing people (we prefer that term to “wing man")? If one of your friends trusts you enough to make you her wing person, you have the power to create fiery love, and that's way more important than, say, saving a redheaded girl. Since we here at SparkLife are basically professional wing people—when we’re not sitting alone in the dark, typing—we have some awesome DOS and DON’TS to share with you.
DO: some research. Find out what your friend’s potential life mate likes to do, and then capitalize on it. If he skateboards, casually walk by the park with your girl after school and spark a casual conversation. It wouldn’t hurt if you helped your friend brush up on skateboarding, so that she doesn’t say something stupid about Tommy Hawk being the best boarder ever. After a few minutes of conversation, remind your friend that you're late for your "plans" (even if the plans are fictional, they'll make her look cooler than she actually is).
DON’T: Treat this like a missing person case. If you think you might run into your girl’s crush at the skate park and it doesn’t happen, don’t call his house and try to find out from his mom where he is. Don’t make any study guides using the information from his Facebook page. Knowing too much about him is definitely freaky and borderline stalkerish—plus, if you have that kind of time, we suggest you get a less creepy hobby or try actually doing your homework.
DO: Drop little hints. If you and your best bud are sitting with some cute girls at lunch, drop some friendly hints that you’d all like to hang out some time outside of school. Say something like, "Are you guys going to the soccer game on Thursday? We were thinking about checking it out." Subtly bring up common interests.
DON’T: Drop your guard. If your wingee asks that you get closer to his crush to find out what she’s into, do just that—but don't get too close. If you find yourself texting her after watching Conan, or wondering what she wears to bed, that’s probably a sign that you’re kind of digging this chick. You've crossed a boundary, dude. Maintain some friendly distance, and keep it clear that you’re not the one interested—you’re just a super friendly person who has no desire to take his pants off around her.
DO: Let your friend know that her jeggings have got to go. If your friend has made some poor fashion choices that are only going to keep prospective man crushes away, just be honest with her. If she can’t rock jeggings, or if her flannel shirts are too stained and too baggy and make her look a bit too much like the Brawny guy, let her know what’s got to go. Offer to accompany her to the mall, or just copy some looks from the ever-stylish Ashley Spencer.
DON’T: Let your friend know that it’s never going to happen. If your friend has a huge thing for the quarterback and it's just not realistic, resist the urge to give him too big a dose of reality. Do all that you can do, and who knows? Maybe things will work out for everyone (you might even get to go to homecoming with that super tight tight end). Don’t let your high school's caste system get in the way of a possible love sitch.
Got any wingperson tips? Please share with us! It's an art, and we all want to be masters!
Related post: Auntie SparkNotes: The Discreet Art of Wingmanitude