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Style Tips from a Fashion Hater

Style Tips from a Fashion Hater

Crazy shoes and hair to match? Are you sure you don't know anything about fashion, flyergirl13? —Sparkitors

I don't know much about fashion. I'm a teenage girl, and I try to make it my life goal to stay as far out of the realm of teen pop culture as humanly possible. I'm convinced it is not good for your mental health. Sure, I've succumbed to fashion trends. No one's perfect. I wore all Hollister and Aeropostale in middle school, though I like to pretend those days didn't exist. I bought a pair of Ugg boots in seventh grade. They're warm and fuzzy, I concede that point. But are they worth $135? I think not.

The life lesson I learned from all this is that it's best not to buy super trendy stuff. Unless you're the heir to some gourmet restaurant chain, and sleep on sheets made from hundred-dollar bills sewn together, I doubt you have the money to follow all the fashion trends. They change every four seconds, for [insert deity of your choice]'s sake! It's like watching the national debt counter, and about as disturbing. I'm not even going to start on criticizing the fashion styles of today. I will instead put forth a new option of fashion. It's up to you. You want to follow other people's stupid ideas? Okay, go ahead. It's a free country. I never liked you anyway.

1. Neon
This is probably already some sort of fashion trend, so I can't claim the invention of it. Actually, I technically can claim anything I fell like, but that doesn't mean it's true. Anyway, wear neon. It's best of you wear it all in the same shade and color.

One way to tell that you are cool is when everyone around you is wearing sunglasses. It means they are blinded by your awesomeness. People put on sunglasses when you wear neon, because it is so bright. This means that they think you are their fashion savior.

2. Flamboyant Footwear
People like to look at your feet more than at your head. Express yourself in your shoes and socks, to catch their eye while they avoid looking at you! For extra credit, mix these first two tips together to get neon footwear. I own neon green Converse, and another pair of shoes with purple laces. I love them with all my heart.

If you don't like your feet radiating brilliance, opt for a slightly less bright option. Go for stripes in purple and orange, or rainbow checkers with kittens on them. People will try to kiss your feet in awe.

3. Insane Hair
This can apply to you even if you have short hair. The important thing is to be as loud and funky as possible. Spike it with gel to stick all your hair straight up like a horn. Or make lots of braids, then braid your braids together. Then braid them all together again. For those with short hair, consider putting it in a hundred teeny little ponytails then dying the tips traffic-cone orange. Or maybe tying ribbons to the ends to fall in a cascading waterfall as though you had pink satiny hair. The important thing is to make people see you and stop in their tracks, with their mouths open so the flies all fly in. Then there will be no more pesky flies.

What crazy trend do you want to start?

Related Post: The Most Annoying Fashion Trends

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Topics: Fashion, Beauty
Tags: sparkler posts, shoes, hair, neon

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