Wamaviangirl can't tell you how to score a goal, but she can tell you how to score your soccer-loving crush.—Sparkitors
Okay, so here's the deal: you've got zero athletic ability, but you're dying to impress that really cute foreign exchange student—you know, the one who carries around a soccer ball and wears cleats to class? Well I'm here to help: this handy-dandy five-step guide will have you looking like a real soccer player in no time!
Tip #1: Put on some shorts, a tee shirt and knee-high socks. Then, go sit in a tanning bed for an hour. When you come out, you'll have tan lines that scream "I love soccer!" and you'll be glowing with that I've-been running-around-in-my-uniform-and-shin-guards-for-months look that makes soccer-lovers drool.
Tip #2: Bash your knees and shins into a tree.Or, better yet, get your younger brother to kick them for you
(make sure he's wearing either cleats or steel-toed shoes). This will give you rough-and-tumble "badges of honor;" no real soccer player would be caught dead without bruises on his/her knees and shins.
Tip #3: Wear athletic shorts (with the waistband rolled up once or twice) and a hoodie from September till May. Sneakers are a fashionable choice to complete this outfit, as are rubber flip-flops paired your knee-high socks. If you're a girl, put your hair into a ponytail, then muss it up until you have pieces falling out all over—the perfect "I just finished a really intense scrimmage" hairdo.
Tip #4: Rub mud and dirt into your knees and elbows, and leave muddy handprints on your shirts and shirt. Keep a refillable water bottle by your side at all times. Post pictures of your various brother-induced bruises on Facebook, and caption them as "Don't know which game this came from, but we probably won," or "That slide tackle was rough!"
Tip #5 : Do NOT, under any circumstances, challenge your crush to a game or friendly scrimmage. You will get your butt kicked, someone will inevitably get it on video, and your whole makeover will be for naught.
Any other tips for dressing like a soccer player's dream girl/guy?
Related post: Blogging My First Soccer Practice...In Eleven Years