How Facebook is Ruining My Social Life

yankeegirl93 has a bone to pick with your favorite social network. And we don't mean Friendster. –Sparkitors

Despite the awesome aspects of Facebook—photo sharing, hilarious links, constant, enlightening updates ("walking up stairs...hungry for pie")—overuse of the site can definitely have adverse effects on your actual social network. Like, the one that you physically live in. Here’s how Facebook can ruin your life:

1. Facebook Fights

Step One: Post harmless picture of you and your friends at the rodeo.

Step Two: Jerk you hardly know and can’t remember why you friended says something gross and inappropriate about your picture.

Step Three: Everyone and their Great Aunt Maude starts weighing in on a picture that They. Are. Not. In. Whether they’re defending you or standing up for Facebook Jerk, feelings are going to get hurt.

Step Four: People are actually mad at you in real life! For something that “happened” on Facebook!

2. Hacebook… Homebook… Homewook…Homework. Oh, right. That.

Step One: Come home from school determined to finish all your homework just in time to watch your favorite TV show, go to bed early, and/or complete the Ironman competition you’ve been meaning to to get around to.

Step Two: Decide that the best way to start working is to update your Facebook status to “Studying." In the process, are completely sidelined by video of puppy falling asleep while standing up.

Step Three: Two and a half hours later, decide to actually start homework.

Step Four: But not until you add to the comments war raging over your friend’s latest photo album! Homework: forgotten about.

3. "Liking"

Step One: Log on to Facebook

Step Two: Take twenty minutes to sort through your News Feed, because your Like-happy friend had to show her digital appreciation of a million groups, including, but not limited to, "Like this if you Like too much,” and “Like this if you think Like-ing is lame."

Step Three: Decide to never show enthusiasm for anything ever again. Bang head mercilessly against monitor.

4. Friend Requests: Outgoing

Step One: Send friend request to person in math class.

Step Two: Wait polite amount of time for acceptance. When nothing happens…

Step Three: Confront the person calmly about why he hasn’t accepted you yet, then become increasingly loud and gesture-y as you demand to know why he had time to change his status and tag five pictures but NOT to click “Accept” on your request.

Step Four: Post malicious status update about how the world is a cruel place. Which, ironically, everyone Likes.

5. Friend Requests: Incoming

Step One: Log onto Facebook.

Step Two: YES OMGSH FRIEND REQUEST WOO-HOO YES YE- oh. Crap. She found me.

Step Three: Avoid Facebook, the unwanted requester, and anyone who might have any contact with the requester for the next three weeks.

Step Four: When eventually confronted with your would-be "friend," immediately make the situation more awkward then it has to be by running up and scream-apologizing in her ear. “I didn’t accept the friend request because…I hate you? No, wait, that came out wrong! I just meant to say that your very existence offends, um. Oh, nuts. Wait! Don’t walk away! I need to handle this delicately, you jerk!”

Is Facebook messing with your face-to-face social life?

Related post: Before You Fall in Love on Facebook

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