15 Reasons Why Baths Are Where It’s At
nycomic56 is blowing the lid off the bath-taking underground. –Sparkitors
I’m sorry, but I can’t sit around watching the endless Shower Debate of 2010 while poor old baths have no one to represent them. Has everyone forgotten about baths, the most awesome way to cleanse yourself since jumping through a Kool-Aid sprinkler went out of style? Well, I haven’t, and I think it’s high time they get some recognition. Baths trump showers any day, and here’s why!
1. Baths are fun. Can you play with Mr. Rubber Ducky or Captain Battleship in the shower? Can you make yourself a Santa Claus bubble beard?! Yeah, I thought not.
2. Baths are more relaxing than showers. After a long day, do you really want to stand up in a hard shower, like a chump? Why not take a long, soothing bubble bath instead? You can even take a nap, while simultaneously being hygienic! Feel all your worries drift away. (Except the worry about drowning in the bath as you nap. Wear a snorkel!)
3. It’s old school to take baths. Before showers, everybody took baths. Taking baths will really make you appreciate what your grandfather means when he talks about the “good ol’ days.” If you take showers, you must hate your grandpa. Grandpa hater!
4. Rich people take money baths. Therefore, taking baths puts you one step closer to being one of those classy guys who bathes in gold coins and hundred dollar bills!
5. Baths make your fingers all pruney. And I heard that Daniel Radcliffe thinks pruney fingers are sexy.
6. Baths are like swimming! Now that winter's here, you won’t be able to go to the beach or pool for another seven months. Until then, kick around in the tub! You can even wear floaties and bring a seaside picnic. Just don’t invite your friends, it can get awkward.
7. Baths will punish your siblings. Bathtub Beach Parties can go on for a while, so you may be occupying the bathroom for some time. Nothing sucks more than waiting outside the bathroom while holding in a cranberry juice-filled bladder. And nothing is better than knowing you’re the reason that your irritating sib has to hold in their cranberry juice-filled bladder.
8. 87% of bath-takers live longer than shower-takers. Dang.
9. Bath acoustics are awesome, and you don’t have to outsing the shower. It’s just relaxing waves, awesome echo effects, and your best rendition of various melodic commercial jingles.
10. Criminals take morning showers. Take night baths, avoid jail time!
11. Ninjas take baths. But I can’t show you any proof, because they’re ninjas.
12. Showers are dangerous. There is major opportunity for slippage in the shower. If you manage to fall in the bath, than you’re doing something terribly wrong.
13. I like tomato soup. If it can be used as an argument for showers, it can be used as an argument for baths. And it’s just so good and tomatoey!
14. You can eat and read in the bath. When’s the last time you ate a grilled cheese sandwich and read The Hunger Games while showering? Now, when’s the last time you did the same thing in the bath? If you didn’t answer “this morning,” then you have some catching up to do.
15. Dan may not be into them, but Chelsea definitely takes baths. It’s the only way to fully cleanse herself of all that sweat.
It’s a simple question: do you like to lie down in water, or do you like to stand in it?
Related post: 15 Reasons Why Showers Are Terrible
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