Lies They Tell You in High School

We totally agree that Dazed and Confused is required high-school viewing, awdorkable. We also think that participation in the Didgeri-dudes should be mandatory. –Sparkitors

Before entering my freshman year, I was fed a bunch of lies as to what high school was all about. Now that I know better, I would like to enlighten you on the reality behind the high-school hype:

“We have hundreds of interesting clubs and activities for you to join!”

Right. Most of these are either obvious (sports) or barely a club at all (a bunch of dudes who like skateboards goofing around at lunch). And for every awesome club, like Ultimate Frisbee or Gay-Straight Alliance, there’s something totally ridiculous. I’m looking at you, Didgeri-dudes.

“Teachers are here to help you, because we’re your friends.”

No, you are not, and only a tiny handful of teachers are even cool. Alas, the cool teachers are usually also the incompetent ones—most of the time we’re stuck reminding them how to turn on a TV, or that basketball has nothing to do with the Wild West.

“Dress code is strictly enforced.”

Unless someone’s wearing a low-cut unitard covered in drugs and gang signs, our teachers couldn’t care less. Except in P.E., weirdly enough. If my tank top offends you that much, Mrs. Evil Gym Teacher, GIVE US UNIFORMS. Sheesh.

“iPods will be taken away if you listen to them on campus.”

Maybe only good students (like myself) can break this rule, but I've definitely walked up to my teachers with headphones in multiple times. It seems that the only teachers who care about this rule are language teachers. Which leads me to my next point…

“All teachers treat all students equally.”

This is laughable. In fact, I must take a moment to laugh about it! HA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Okay I’m good. Ahem. Show me a teacher without prejudice, and I will show you a robot. Not that I would be surprised to learn that some of my teachers are robots. Prejudiced robots.

“Freshmen are respected by upperclassmen.”

Oh, please. We have a day that is literally and appropriately called “Freshman Beatdown Day,” and yes, my parents did make me watch Dazed and Confused to prepare for it. (If you haven’t seen it yet, WATCH IT NOW.) FBD is thinly disguised as “Color Day,” when each grade wears their class color. The freshmen are identifiable by their white clothing, which really makes the junk that the upperclassmen draw/paint/spray onto them show up well!

What’s the biggest lie your school has ever told you?

Related post: The Top Five Lies in Graduation Speeches

We cannot tell a lie: if you write for SparkNotes, we will hand-deliver a pony to your first-period class the very next day! (At least half of that sentence is a lie.)