If we can do our own small part to put the final nail in the coffin of Uggs, we will consider our existence here on this earth a success.* We consider our investment in the following boots the first step. You can thank us later.
The Riding Boot. At almost $500, we might have to sell a kidney for these Frye Dorados, but that's why God gave us two. We'll still have our bread basket and spare rib. Of course, that doesn't include the cost of the Wyoming ranch, spotted Appaloosa, and riding lessons.
The Sexy Sexy Boot. Wearing over-the-knee boots without looking like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman or a medieval knight is not an easy task. The key: no patent leather, a slim fit at the top, and a heel that won't get you flagged at airport security.
The Boo-T. Until this year, we assumed when someone said she wanted booties that she was expecting. Oh how wrong we were. Booties abound this year, like the love children of a very horny pump and boot. We like this pair for the blue suede. Woe betide the person who steps on them.
The Puddle-Jumping Boot. Who decided rain boots had to be army green or neon polka-dotted? We like these classy, black Chooka boots because a) they don't clash with our outfit, and b) no crocodiles were harmed in the making of them.
The Moccasin Boot. The grandpappy of boot companies does it again by combining the classic comfort of a moccasin with the warmth and functionality of a boot. In the words of Daniel Day-Lewis, "I will find you... on eBay!"
The Red Boot. Take it from Wonder Woman: Red is the new black. It goes with everything most things. We found these Sigerson Morrison red boots, and after weighing the pros and cons of literally being forced to live in our shoes to afford them, we settled on these Mossimo cuffed slouch boots from Target instead.
The Snow Boot. When we wear plaid, we feel like a lumberjack. When we wear these plaid snow boots, we feel like a fashion-forward lumberjack.
The Eco Boot. Every time you wear a pair of Toms Wrap Boots, an angel gets its wings. Just kidding, but every time you buy a pair, a kid in need gets a pair of shoes. These boots are also vegan-friendly and made from recycled bottles and hemp. (True.) And if you plant them, a rainforest will grow. (Not true).
*Before you protest that they are comfortable, consider this: they are unflattering, they smell like wet sheep, and they make your feet sweat.
Like Veruca Salt, what boots do you want NOW?