PDA: When is it OK?

For years, you’ve been waiting for someone to share your life with—someone who enjoys browsing records stores, someone who stays home on Fridays to watch Kevin Smith movies, someone who smells good. Finally, after years of bad acne and plenty of dateless nights, you got your guy/girl…and it’s awesome! Even you are nauseated by how cute you guys are together, how it sounds like a heavenly chorus when you two laugh, how the sky opens up when you smile at each other. It’s sappier than a stack of pancakes oozing with syrup. Because you’ve never really liked someone so much, you want everyone to know how you feel: in love, so happy, and finally capable of deserving affection, something you were pretty sure was only reserved for people in movies like Juno. But just because you’re in love doesn’t mean everyone wants to see it. Before you go out and PDA all the way, here’s some some do's and don’t for you and your sweetie-poopy-itty-bitty-love-dove-glove-pie.

OK: Holding hands. One of the pleasures of first loves is finding out that sweaty hands are actually exciting things that indicate your attraction to another person. Learning how to intertwine your fingers with another human being is adorable. It’s a sweet, innocent way to show everyone that you guys are a thing, without throwing it in everyone’s faces. Feel free to hold hands when you’re hanging out at the movie theater, browsing bookstores, or waiting in lines together.

NOT OKAY: Grabbing a handful of something else. We once saw a couple with their hands in each other’s back pockets while waiting in line for a ride at Six Flags. Inside the pockets, hands were moving around, pinching and massaging. While we too like big butts and we cannot lie, we deny that that kind of rear-end behavior is acceptable in any public arena. Nobody wants to see that.

OK: Kissing goodnight. Duh, the whole point of going on a date is for it to end with a nice, long, lingering kiss. That’s why boys don’t mind spending 30 dollars on movie tickets and popcorn—they know they’ll be getting some tongue action. When you're heading to your door or lingering at your car door, it’s totally OK to kiss, even if other people are hanging out, walking their dogs or loitering in the parking lot. Just keep it PG-13ish. Don’t do anything Hillary Duff circa Lizzy McGuire wouldn’t do.

NOT OK: Examining each tooth for cavities with your tongue. While kissing in public is fine, nobody wants to see you floss your significant other’s teeth with your lizard-like tongue. If your hormones and your heart are all forceful and stuffz, take your make-out session to your car. And remember, just because a movie theater is dark, doesn’t mean no one will notice if you and your date tie your tongues together in a huge knot. Remember, this is a place for holding hands, not dry humping.

OK: Telling your sweetie she's cute. If your girl does something adorable, like tripping in the middle of the mall, help her up and tell her she’s still cute. When you’re hanging out at home eating spaghetti, and she gets it all over her sweatpants, don’t be scared to tell her she’s gorgeous anyway. Girls like hearing that stupid stuff.

NOT OK: Doing it in front of the movie ticket seller. The guy who hasn’t had a date in six years and works at the movie theater every Friday and Saturday night doesn’t want to hear you say, "I’ll take two for The Social Network, one for me and one for my little poopsie-woopsie-cutsie." It’s just not necessary to subject others to your baby talk, especially us loners.

OK: Playing footsie under the table. A little playful flirting at the Chinese restaurant isn’t going to kill anyone. As long as you don’t get a major case of giggles or recreate the infamous scene from When Harry Met Sally, it's acceptable.

NOT OK: Sitting on the same side of the booth. That’s so cheesy. Unless you’re on a double date with your imaginary friends, in which case it’s totally sociably acceptable.

What gross things do you hate seeing adorable couples do in front of you? How much does it tick you off?

Related post: How to Deal with PDA