You were a smart kid, saranvd. We still can't say "brachiosaurus" without messing up. –Sparkitors
All right, I’ll admit it: I am completely and totally obsessed with dinosaurs. Some of my first words were “pachycephalosaurus,” “brachiosaurus,” and “dracorex hogwartsia.” (Yes, that last one is a real dinosaur. And YES, it should be the SparkNotes mascot.) At age four, I preferred going to see dinosaur bones at the museum to hitting the park or the candy store like a normal kid. By fifth grade, I had two tons of dinosaur toys, a “How to Draw Dinosaurs” book, and two big dinosaur encyclopedias that, combined, weighed more than I did. You would probably say I was a dinosaur nerd. And you would probably be correct.
Now I’m in college and, like every other college student, I’m missing my youthful exploits. So what have I done to ease the torment? Watched dinosaur movies, of course! I've elected to review a few of my favorites for you, because dinosaurs are awesome enough to deserve their own article.
Dinosaur (2000): Yep, the one with the dinosaur raised by lemurs. It’s totally awesome! Why? Well, the animation is beautiful, and the dinosaurs themselves are great. The characters, especially the old lady dinos, are entertaining as heck. And…um…okay, so maybe I enjoyed this movie more when I was younger. But so what? I’m still young at heart! And there’s some fun lines in there, too (“What’s he gonna do, gum us to death?”). There’s adventure! There’s peril! And there’s adorable baby dinosaurs! Soooo cuuuuute! Ahem. Onward!
The Land Before Time (1988): A classic. Who doesn’t love Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Petrie, and Spike? This is probably one of the sweetest, saddest children’s movies ever made. Not just a stellar dino movie, but an amazing movie in general. If you didn’t cry when Littlefoot’s mom died saving him from the Sharptooth, your tear ducts should be removed and inspected for defaults. It’s just as sad as the scene where Bambi’s mom…never mind. I can’t keep talking about this. Let’s get to the happy parts of the movie, like when the dinosaurs gang up and throw a giant rock on the Sharptooth’s head, or finally reach the Great Valley! Okay, now raise your hand if you hated any of the darling baby dinos! Trick question. If you raised your hand, it better have been a sarcasm hand, as in, “Like anybody could hate those little guys!”
Jurassic Park (1993): I’m gonna be honest: I didn’t watch this movie until I was in middle school. And I’m so glad I didn’t see it earlier, because it may have tainted my views of dinosaurs forever. Rather than seeing their hunting skills as stealthy and fantastic, I would’ve been permanently scarred by the raptors-in-the-kitchen scene. I then would have refused to enter any kitchen that wasn’t thoroughly dinosaur-proofed. BUT, since I waited till I was pretty much old enough to handle it, this movie wins the prize for most awesome dino movie ever. Why? Other than the dreaded kitchen scene, it boasts a tyrannosaurus eating a cowardly jerk, a super cool paleontologist couple, and Jeff Goldblum just doing his snarky thing.
The bottom line is that dinosaurs give us some totally fan-freakin’-tastic movies. They have the ability to be either adorable snugglebutts or horrifying kitchen monsters that make us scared of cabinets to this day! Basically, dinosaurs are like dragons who’ve lost their jetpacks (that is how dragons fly, right?), which makes them pretty much the greatest. Mathematical fact: Dinosaur + ANYTHING = amazing.
What were you obsessed with when you were a little kid?
Related post: Five Signs You Might Be a Disney Snob
Ignore the raptor footsteps coming from your kitchen, you have more important things to do. Write for SparkNotes, after reading this!