Dating and the Muslim Teen
There are definitely worse things than not being allowed to date, runxbabyxrun. Like remembering that you already ate all the cookie dough, and now the stores are closed. –Sparkitors
Here in my miniscule town, smack dab in the middle of the Western world, teen dating isn’t just a choice. It’s a right. No, a responsibility!
Now cue the wide eyes and pitying stares when I bring up the fact that practicing Muslims don’t date. You can imagine the shock of my peers: “You can't date? How can you LIVE?!" I think they’d actually pass out if I told them that I don’t expect to have my first kiss till I'm about 20. But I’m here to tell you Sparklers that not dating is NOT the same thing as having no life and being dead—in fact, there are a lot of reasons that I’m happy to avoid the pressures of dating during my high school years. Here are a few:
1. No high-school heartbreak. How many teen relationships actually work? I don't know what it feels like to have my heart crushed and fed to falcons by some dude with a teen 'stache, and I'm not sorry. Think of all the pounds I won’t gain pigging out on cookie dough! I mean, I’ll still eat tons of cookie dough—but it’ll be on my own terms.
2. No persistent grab-hands. When I do meet a guy—and I eventually will, because, contrary to popular belief, Muslim teens can talk to the opposite sex—there will be no premarital touching involved. Imagine a relationship where the only way to sustain interest is through opening up your mouth and…talking! It’ll be like Pride and Prejudice, but with less uses of the word “agreeable.”
3. No boob ogling. Thanks to the unspoken modesty agreement among Muslim teens, guys don't (or at least shouldn't) stare at your boobs, or say anything that makes you uncomfortable. Its why a lot of women decide to wear the headscarf on their own, because they’ll know that when a guy wants to be with them, it's because they are loved regardless of any ab flab or bacne they might possess. Which is pretty much what every girl wants, right? Granted, this doesn't stop me from thinking immodest, ogley thoughts about Taylor Lautner and Voldemort from AVPM all day, cause believe me, I do.
4. Ironclad, never-fail rejection line. This, I believe, is the most useful aspect of the no dating rule. Imagine some mouth-breathing Harry Potter-hater asks you out. And imagine that they refuse to take no for an answer. This line works every single time: "Leave me alone. I’M MUSLIM." I've asked my guy friends if they would back off a girl if she was Muslim, and they answered a unanimous Yes. I asked if they’d back off a girl who said she had a boyfriend, and the answer, of course, was No. (Either this says a lot about guys in general, or my friends are jerks.) To recap: when a creepy boy is stalking you, just whip out your Qur'an and you’re good.
To be honest, there are times when I wish I could date, especially when I see my friends looking all cute and happy with their boyfriends, holding hands and making Taylor Swift love-song mixes. That is, until they start making Taylor Swift heartbreak mixes—then I’m just glad I’ll never have to go through all that.
Anyone else not allowed to date?
Writing for SparkNotes is a right, and reading this first is a responsibility.