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What Your Soft Drink Says About You

What Your Soft Drink Says About You

What’s your soda of choice? Do you like cola? Are you a root beer fanatic? Do you crave fizzy lemon-lime drinks like a mermaid craves walrus meat? Picking a soda may have nothing to do with flavor and everything to do with your personality. Using nothing but hard science facts, we examined the 10 types of soda drinkers to find out what a particular soda says about your personality.

1. Cola
Cola drinkers are loyal, and taller than you'd think. The thought of sipping a different liquid makes them laugh and say, “Ha! Such drinks are for the weak. Cola is for the strong!” They tend to travel in groups of three or more, and they are not afraid to voice their opinions on the topics of politics, sports, or the attractiveness of Harry Potter villains. They also think elephants are better than giraffes. And they can turn most things into a drum.

2. Diet Cola
Those who favor low calorie cola are either concerned about their health, or just want to appear concerned about their health. Diet cola drinkers are typically smart, focused workers who have a billion things to finish before the day is through. They believe the quick pick-me-up offered by the sweet beverage will somehow magically propel them towards their goal, and they may panic when the sun sets. Diet cola drinkers love animals and children, but hate airports and subways. These people also knew at an early age that Santa Claus doesn’t exist.

3. Lemon-Lime
If you enjoy the clear, refreshing taste of lemon-lime soda, then you also enjoy harp music and ghost stories. Lemon-lime fans have bubbly personalities and happy-go-lucky attitudes. If you see someone drinking a lemon-lime soda, you can kick him in the shins, and he'll just smile and says, “Neat!” Lemon-lime drinkers are artistic and creative, and feel more at home in front of an easel than behind a barber chair. They also wear a lot of purple and talk on the phone too much. They’re surprisingly good at pole vaulting, but their backgammon skills are laughable.

4. Diet Lemon-Lime
These people have no taste buds or they are drinking this as part of a bet.

5. Root Beer
People who enjoy root beer also enjoy horses. Root beer is the drink of explorers and scholars, but it’s also the drink of criminals and robots who don't know that they are robots. Root beer drinkers excel in the areas of history and Spanish, but have little regard for gym class and anything that involves nails. Drinking root beer also means you want to break up with your current significant other.

6. Dr. Pepper/Mr. Pibb
While they won’t be able to describe the taste, the people who like this unique soda will tell you that life isn’t about answers, it’s about the journey. Fans of this drink enjoy being different and will often say things just to get a rise out of people, such as, "Spiderman is better than Batman," and, “Fire is not hot.” They love a good fight. They are good spellers but lousy navigators. And they hate birds.

7. Carbonated Energy Drink
People who chose an energy drink as their cocktail will brag about their lack of sleep. They may have their own lingo, and say things such as, “I totally harffed,” which in their mystery language means, “I like dogs and sports.” Unless you enjoy being yelled at in a playful manner while being told that you suck, it’s best to steer clear of these people.

8. Cloudy Citrus Soda
Fans of this soda live an extreme life and may also enjoy being stuntmen, eating lava pie, or brushing their teeth with a knife. Drinking more than one serving may result in an upset stomach and/or hallucinations. It’s best served in small doses…such as in thimbles or tiny elf mugs.

9. Grape Soda
Popular amongst those who wish they had candy, this soda is rarely served in restaurants because of a government conspiracy. Grape soda fans are fun-loving individuals who don’t care what others think. Sure, the soda is not as mature as cola or as complex as root beer, but the grape soda drinkers don’t care about your labels. They also don’t care about your phone, so don’t even bother showing it off to them.

10. Ginger Ale

This is the best soda and the people who drink it are the best people.

Which kind of soda drinker are you?

Related post: In Defense of Generic Snacks

Topics: Life
Tags: food, soda, cola, drinks

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