8 Quotes from the Most Ridiculous School on Earth
By now, you all know that my high school is the most ridiculous school on Earth, but it didn't get that way without some serious help from my teachers, my principal, and my fellow students. Below are some of the weirdest and funniest things ever said in the hallowed halls of my high school, and though I know that actions speak louder than words, these words spoke really, really, loudly to me.
8. World Geography teacher: “We’re lucky, ‘cause here in America, we’re not at war with any foreign countries. We are all peaceful and stuff.”
7. Principal: “We have decided, due to recent events, that all funding will be cut from orchestra, band, and choir. The football team has not won any games this season, so we’re buying them a whole new field, equipment, and food supplements with money formerly belonging to you guys. Sorry.”
Director: “Um, we have to be at competition in twenty minutes. Can we discuss this later?”
Principal: “Sorry, your performance was canceled.”
Director: “What??? We’ve been practicing for ages!”
Principal: “Yeah, but there are starving children in… someplace. You should learn to do less stuff.”
Director: “The money’s going to our football team, which currently receives 97.8% of extracurricular funding! Not starving children!”
Principal: “There are still starving children.”
6. Student 1: “I think it's really stupid, you know, to commit crimes…”
Student 2: “Me too! You get sent to Azkaban and stuff!”
Student 1: “Really? I thought that was a fictional place.”
Student 2: “Nope. My uncle got sent there. He says those Dementors are scary.”
5. Announcement: “We have heard reports, that, on the night of October 3, 2010, students were seen vandalizing Westchester Bagel. We can’t tell you who our sources are or if they are in any way reliable, but we just love it when students get together and do something for the common good. Thank you, students of Westchester.”
4. Student: “I heard the drug dogs are coming today. Is that true?”
Teacher: “What? Drug dogs? Today? Oh, God, no… Class is canceled! Students, grab your belongings and get home quickly, I’ll clean up my desk and go home as well, class isn’t that important anyway! Go, go, go!”
3. Announcement: “We have heard reports that today is ‘Kick A Ginger Day.’ We would like to inform the student body that anyone who kicks, beats, attacks, verbalizes, tranquilizes, or otherwise harms anyone who falls into the category of ‘Ginger’ will be sent to long-term In-School Suspension. Thank you."
2. Announcement (presumably about snakes) aired in the middle of the statewide testing: “We have heard words of complaint from parents and, um, you guys, students, yeah, that’s it, students, about snacks on the sidewalk lately. So, to avoid being bitten, we would like to offer tips on dealing with sidewalking snacks. If you see something that looks as if it may be in reality but not definitely a snack, you should probably not pick it up. If it looks like a stick, it’s probably a stick, but it might be a snack, so don’t pick that one up either. Thank you for your time. What? Standardized testing? [expletive]!”
1. Student: “What’s your favorite color?”
Teacher: “Well, I don’t know. I love colors. The sky is a color, blue, you know, and I like blue. Purple is an especially great color. I just love colors, especially when the sky sets and there’s lots of them and also clouds. But I don’t like rain. Also, I love colors. I don’t have a favorite, because I like them all! They are so great!” *tears up and begins to shout* “I love colors!!! Especially purple, but I can’t choose a favorite!”
Got any quotes that can top these?