The Tuesday Awards! (From Friday)

We sat at our desks all day Friday wondering where the Friday Awards were. We still don't know what happened to them (Gary ate 'em?), but we DO know that the Hilarity Award Distribution Society worked really hard to put this batch of awards from last week's comments together. Better late than never, right? —Sparkitors

Hilarity Award Distribution Society here with an update.

I’ve always wanted to say something like that.

This Sparklewarder has had a very busy week, including taking the PLAN test, preparing for the PSAT next week, and having fifty gazillion other tests (I may or may not be exaggerating). It is very exhausting taking and preparing for that many tests, I can tell you. Since I’m sure many of you know this feeling, I award The You Deserve a Nap Award to anyone who had to take standardized tests recently, is planning to, or just had a lot of tests this week.

Today we celebrate the Second Friday of the Month. Everyone here at HADS has decided that we want to continue letting all of you give each other awards on second Fridays. So, what are you waiting for?

Oh, right, this: Before we get started, let’s think for a minute. This week’s thing to think about is: would you rather be a rhino-sized hamster or a hamster-sized rhino?

Now, the awards:

The We're Going To Your School, Whether You Like It Or Not Award goes to Silly_Elphaba for this comment on the New Friwards post:

At my school someone told me they were going to give out varsity letters for quidditch

The Here, Have Some More Gnomes Award goes to AngryHobbits for this comment on the same post:

A gnome with purple feet appears every time Sparknotes makes me happy.
Thank you Sparknotes. Thank you for filling my house with purple-footed-gnomes. They make great tofu.

The We’re Pretty Sure We Were Horrible Little Kids Too Award goes to Suporna for this comment on the same post:

Something interesting about me: When I was little (1st grade), I was the ringleader of a bunch of troublemakers. You wave your hand dismissively and scoff, "Pssh, what could a first grader do?" Well, I'll tell you. Every week, during recess, I would gather all the girls in my moderately sized class and tell them my strategies on how to make the boys become our prisoners. You see, in the middle of our playground was this big enclosure thing, and it had a lot of platforms in it. There was also a big pole running through it.
So during recess, the girls and I (their commander) would call all the boys up to the top platform using our feminine wiles. Then, when the group of oblivious males would show up, we girls would herd them towards the pole in the middle and start brandishing long tie-able things (usually belts and random ropes). After that, we would tie the boys to the pole and leave them there for the rest of the hour, revelling in our/my glorious victory.
Ahhh, those were the good days.

The You Are Just Bursting With Awesomeness, Aren’t You? Award goes to ‘olwhatshername for this commentt:
hooray for the return of the friwards. even though, well, you know, I never got one. And the fact that I've been trying for TWO MONTHS to get one. in vain. Whatever, I mean... all of my sparkfriends have one, and I don't, and it makes me sad inside
I figured my dating Glen Coco would up my status, you know, but Glen admits to not even having won one. He offered to trade candy canes for a friward, but he hasn't heard back about that one yet. His candy canes have not been returned, either.
I just... well, I was gonna put it on my Christmas List, but Mr. Santa (a sparkler here) said that they had to be earned.
So now, um... OH! I KNOW! I'LL WRITE A SONG!!
Maybe the SLA school song, or SL anthem, or....okay, here it goes.
*beatboxes*
Welcome to this wonderful place
Kicking ass to outer-space
Dan Bergstein is like our idol
His existence at sparknotes is always vital
Auntie Sparknotes will give you advice
And every post will have a little spice
Don't fear Shakespeare
You'll love it here
College prep
For when you take the next step
You're covered for tests
And annoying pests
Don't use bad grammar around Miss Marm
Chelsea's sweat is half her charm!
Come on the OT, you won't regret it
Don't understand your book?
Don't sweat it, this is the place to look
So congrats, you're now part of the celebration
that is, that lives, the sparkler nation!!!
*more beatboxes*
*awesome breakdancing*
I'M 'OLWHATSHERNAME, PEACE OUT Y'ALL!

The Oh Wait, That Was A Lie? Award goes to Suporna for this comment on the How to Lie post:

I once convinced a guy in my AP World History class that I was an international child spy who had already been banned from three countries. Before you ask how I did it, let me just say that I had no idea my techniques would actually work. I guess the combination of a really bad Russian accent, red belt Tae Kwon Do skills, and conveniently dark clothing cleared all doubts.
It was rather sad when he believed I was really from a country called Indianistan...

The We Can Always Stay Friends Award goes to sgtpepper191 for this comment on the same post:

What is this, SparkNotes? You forgot me!
I went away for TWENTY MINUTES and it was like I was never in your life! You said you'd remember me, but I guess that was just a lie!
What has this relationship come to, SparkNotes? I thought we had something really special, but I guess it was all one big joke to you. You logged me out from your life the second I disappeared from view.
And I'm going to be honest, it hurts. But not as much as it could, now that I know I won't ever be fooled by your empty promises again.
SparkNotes, we are OVER!
(But....I would really like it if we could still be friends. I guess that's something for us both to work on.)

The Good Luck, You Crazy Devil Award goes to Paranoid_But_Innocent_ for this comment on the Summer Nanny post:

Oh God.
And I'm considering signing up to be a live-in nanny when I'm an adult for the scholarships many programs offer.

The We Feel Sorry for You Award goes to tumtumtree for this comment on the same post:

You think the kids you babysit for are insane? TRY FOUR YEAR OLD IDENTICAL TWIN BOYS. Identical. You'd think they'd dress differently, but nooo.
I quote:
Me: Let's go to the bathroom before bed hey guys?
Twin 1: No, we never to the bathroom.
Twin 2: It's because we're transformers! *cackles disturbingly*
Twin 1: YAY TRANSFORMERS. *identical cackle*
*Twins run around house, pretending to be transformers*
Me: I think it's time for transformers to go to the bathroom yeah?
Twin 1: They're robot aliens! They don't have dingles!
Twin 2: Yeah, they don't. So they can't go!
Me: Can you try for me? Please??
A change of identical pants ensued.

The Horton Award goes to DontWorryBeHappy:) for this comment on the Sunshiney Videos post:

There videos took me to a world where everyone eats rainbows and poops butterflies. Thank you.

The We Bet You Had Awesomesauce Dreams to SpiffyAlien for this comment on the same post:

Gee, thanks, Kat. Now I'm on my way to the hospital to seek medical attention to stop this darn light and happiness from continuing to seep out of my oratory receptacles. How's a girl supposed to sleep when "I've Got Sunshine" in blaring in her ears?
'SPLAIN ME THIS, NON-RELATED AUNTIE.

The You Should Write Soap Operas Award goes to Suporna for this comment on Lauren's High School Life:

When I look at this photo, it feels like the girl is shoving aside the other suitors lurking around her place and crying, "NO, MY DARLING! IT WAS NEVER THE OTHERS, ANYWAYS! IT'S ALWAYS BEEN YOU! DON'T GOOOOO!"

The You’ve Got Some Tricky Friends Award goes to beagle48644 for this comment on the post about extending curfew:

My friend, in 6th or 7th grade, re-set every single clock by 3 hours..apparently he got to stay up and watch TV like he wanted!
haha
Just remember to do the microwave. And the phones (landline included) and the coffee maker.

The Baby Steps Award goes to Real Alias on the Confidence Pants post:
Haven't been able to reach the whole 'pants' stage yet, I am still working on my confidence hair band.

The Harry Potter Nerd Of This Week Award goes to BlazingDogstar for this comment on the How To Butter Up To Your Parents post:

Am I the only one that notices 6 as the suck-up line Dudley was practicing for Mr. Mason in Chamber of Secrets?
...probably.

The That Would Be An Interesting Article… Award goes to DramaLlama94 for this comment on the same post:
At first I thought the title said "How To Butter Up Your Pants."
This is definitely much more useful

The Nerds Can Be Violent Too Award goes to Tigress_118 for this comment on the LOTR vs. Star Wars post:
I'm staying very, very, very far away from this conversation. This will only end in tears, blood, and bad grammar.

The 5-Year-Olds Are The Cutest Award goes to bad_hijab_day for this comment on the same post:
Star Wars! My little 5-year old cuz was watching it. He saw Chewbacca and said "Ha! They even gave the monkey a gun!"
And the thing is...I kinda had to agree with him.

The We Love Random Factoids Award goes to sciencenerdess94 for this comment on the Fall Romance post:
I loved this post! The points are very logical.
On an ever-so-slightly related note, use of the phrase "sweating like a pig" should be banned because PIGS DON'T SWEAT! DID YOU KNOW THAT? ...WELL, NOW YOU KNOW!
I hereby declare that we use "sweating like Chelsea Dagger" or some other alternative

The Sleep-Talking Can Be a Curse Award goes to twinkletoes_23 for this comment on the same post:

Oooooh. A Walk to Remember.
The last time I watched that, I fell asleep (it was 2am). And I started talking. In my sleep. And I happened to say a certain person's name. In my sleep.
Needless to say, I havent watched the movie since.

The We’ll Save You! Award goes to hlucero06 for this comment on the Jon’s High School Life post:

Jon, your eyes are dreamy and blue.
I think I just lost myself in them. Oh no! I'm drowning!! **splashsplashDROWN**

The What Is This World Coming To? Award goes to nycomic56 for this comment on the My Crush is a "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" Character post:

Come on, no Oz!? He's a werewolf! And this is sparklife! What is happening to the world! *passes out*

The You Have The Best Band Ever Award goes to nightshade5509 for her comment on this the band geek football post:

Things I Know about Band at My School
1. 98% of the people are awesome. (It's a given.)
2. The remaining 2% is weird and freaky and gross.
3. You have to have a really, REALLY dirty mind to be in band. No questions asked.
4. They have to wear white (WHITE!!) cowboy hats as part of their band outfit. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
5. In December, they get to ditch the cowboy hats (AHAHAHA) and wear their band shirts, jeans, and really big Santa hats that make you look like an elf (not that I would know from personal experience or anything).
6. THE DRUM MAJOR IS A &#*#$*$*@# (According to my friend.) But she graduated, so I don't know who the new one is.

The My Halloween Costume Disagrees With You Award goes to DontWorryBeHappy:) on the Pumpkin Carving post:

I would totally run away from a house that had a pumpkin carved like Bieber's face. That's more scary to me than any Halloween outfit I've ever seen.

The Pressing Questions Award goes to saranvd for this comment on the Blogging  Breaking Dawn:

Does this mean, if a horse has 32 chromosome pairs and a human has 22 chromosome pairs, a centaur has 27 pairs? And if 24 pairs makes you grow slow and 26 makes you not age at all, do the centaurs age backwards??? SO MANY QUESTIONS!!! >_

The We Were Disappointed Too Award goes to hlucero06 for this comment on the same post:

I only finished reading the book because I figured since werewolves had 24 chromosomes, and the average of Bella (23) and Edweird(25) would be 24, then the baby would be a werewolf! (it would also be born with a jetpack, and awesome calf muscles).
But no... Smeyer had to make a vampire-human!

The Science Can Be Helpful Awards go to:
lulliloo for this comment on Blogging  Breaking Dawn:
I don't understand Smeyer. If she had said "Bella is having a vampire baby because of magic" I would have been okay with it. There are lot of rediculous things I'm willing to accept when they're explained by magic. How does f(x)=y? Magic. See! I'm alright with that. But instead she starts using some rediculous and false science. If you have a different number of chromosomes, you aren't the same species, and therefore cannot reproduce, at least not viable offspring (with exception of dogs and wolves, because of magic). And it certainly doesn't just average the number of chromosomes out in the kid. If she would have just done a little research she could have avoided this... but no. STEPHANIE MEYER, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A PUNNET SQUARE IS?

and to Kestrad for:
Dear Stephanie Meyer:
If you want to pretend your doctor character knows anything at all, go learn some basic bio. Please. A child from parents with 23 and 25 chromosome pairs does not have 24 chromosome pairs. It has 23 pairs plus 2 extra unpaired chromosomes. kthxbi

The We’ve Been Doing It Wrong Awards go to these Sparklers for these comments on the How To Pick Up A Guy With A Book post:

sgtpepper191:
Here's my method of picking up guys with books:
1. Become really strong.
2. Slide the book under his feet.
3. Pick up the book, and with it, the guy.
Works every time. (They just don't always like it very much.)

and neomaxizoomdwbi:
How to pick up a guy with a book? Just grab a sturdy book, big enough for a butt, and have him sit on it. And pick it up! Simple as that. Feel like that wasn't enough, and he isn't impressed? Use a pick up line while lifting him. Those *always* work.

LOL Points go to:
A HUUUUGE LOL Points Award goes to everyone who commented on the Teacher Quotes article. There were way too many funny comments for us to choose!

deepshikha_elric for this comment on the Dressing Up Like Doctor Who post:
Funky spandex tights made me think of Flanders going "It's like wearing nothing at all!"
*grumble* stupid sexy Flanders*
XD
But yeah, intennnse day! I could not survive.

Real Alias for this comment on the Sunshiney Videos post:

hm... my cat is peeing on everything too

flyergirl13 for this comment on the same post:
I read the title, and my first thought was, "My ears have holes???" Then I thought, "Oh, wait..."

theoreticalgrrl for this comment on the Confidence Pants post:
Um, there's one article of clothing you can't rock out confidently, and that's your birthday suit.
*excessive coughing*

also_anonymous for this comment on the same post:

I'm pretty sure the pair of confidence pants most people seem to get given at birth was sent to the wrong address in my case... along with the sense-of-humour t-shirt, understanding-of-group-dynamics shoes and ability-to-comfort-people-and-understand-why-they're-so-upset-about-not-getting-invited-to-that-ridiculous-party-thing sweatshirt.
In fact, I'm pretty sure I've somehow misplaced my whole social interaction outfit.

Swesting49 for this comment on the Day in the Life of a Dual-Enrolled Student post:
Why the hell do you set your alarm for two hours earlier than you actually have to get up? That's as ridiculous as wearing a down coat two months before it gets cold. Do you do that, and then consider all the people who start wearing coats when it actually gets cold procrastinators?

eliteNeurosis for this comment on the same post:
Your chemistry professor sounds just like our geography teacher. She calls us idiots all the time and refers to us as the Strawberry Generation. Because we're sweet? Because we're pink and pretty? No! ‘BECAUSE YOU ALL GET BRUISED SO EASILY AND ARE PRETTY MUCH USELESS!’

Phoenix7721 for this comment on the Day in the Life of an Independent Study Student:
I heard the actress that played Juliet wasn't allowed to the movie premiere because she was too young to see that sort of ‘content.

Orangish_Tomato for this comment on the Blogging Wuthering Heights: Part 14 post:
Doth my eyes deceive me, or hath Coffinmaker dared to insult the lifeblood of my veins, the canned meat known as spam. Spam is a versatile object; it can be fried, turned into sushi, and eaten as it is. In the eyes of Spam you are know beneath the common man and lumped in with the Weird Foods guy. I should chuck a can of spam at you.

smarty1235 for this comment on Blogging Breaking Dawn: Part 15:
Dan, I'm sorry, but there was a spelling mistake. "Threw" should have been "through"...It makes me cry mer-unicorn tears but it's true! Now I'll have to go and find a hoard of my mer-unicorn brethren so they can console me and make me cakes from the ground-up scales of the sea dragons that live in saltwater rain. They're very rare and only the Snuffingaltins that we keep as pets can find them. Sea Dragon cakes are the only things that can heal the pain of seeing a spelling mistake on the Great Dan Bergstein's simply amazing Breaking Dawn post.

superdeluxe for this comment on the same post:
My girlfriend can drink three capri suns at one time. So, Quil, your girlfriend can squash her Capri Sun and spill it all over your mom's face.
Just kidding. I don't actually have a girlfriend...I'm a girl...
And now I'm going to leave...goodbye.

DoubleNegitive for this comment on the How to Pick Up a Guy With a Book post:
I'm not sure whether you're asking me if I've had a flirty conversation WITH a book, or one ABOUT a book, because I've had both, and trust me, the flirty conversation I had with "Great Expectations" was alot more interesting.

PaperButterflies for this comment on the Auntie Sparknotes Lying by Omission post:
Auntie has a point, jeeeeeeeez.
Every girl needs that one older, mysterious, motocycle riding guy in her life at some point; the one with the jaw line, the eyes, the chest hair you could carpet with...
Oops. My keyboard's steaming. It appears I drooled on it.

Hogwarts_is_my_home for this comment on the Why Life Is Better With a Car post:
Oh, the adventures of having a car. Some advice: Name your car. Mine's Winifred. She hasn't steered me wrong yet...well, except that one time. And the other time. And the incident with the bumper.

gummybeararmygeneral’s Sparkler of the Week Award goes to: jewbiegirl for her ninja rabbit.

Don’t forget to tell us in the comments something interesting about yourself, or about something interesting you’re going to do this week!