Common Phrases that Make No Sense

By Contributor

October 11, 2010

We'd never thought about it, SwallowCarryingACoconut, but now we’re just mad. –Sparkitors

Every day people walk around using weird, nonsensical phrases to say very simple things, and no one seems to care that they make no sense. I find these six sayings to be the most annoying of all:

1. “A little bird told me.”

Your friend: Soooo. I hear you still sleep on Hannah Montana sheets.

You: Um…hahahaha! How do you know that? NOT THAT IT’S TRUE.

Your friend: A little bird told me.

You: I told him to keep that between us! Sold out by my own parakeet! (Cries, runs.)

See how confusing things can get? And what could be more annoying than someone basically saying, “I'm not gonna tell you who told me, but I am gonna tell you that SOMEONE told me”? It’s also a phrase that’s often used in Hallmark cards: “A little bird told me you’re having a birthday!” No, that was me. Last week. And why isn’t there a check in this card?

2. “Take the mickey.”

If you’re an American who hasn't read Harry Potter (i.e., a monk who has taken a vow of silence, and anti-awesomeness), this term may not sound familiar to you. In British speak, it means “to make fun of.” This just doesn’t make any sense, unless all Brits own a Mickey Mouse doll that they are very, very attached to, and that they count on to give them a self-esteem boost. But can you imagine Mick Jagger snuggling up to a Mickey?

3. “Apple of my eye.”

If someone is the “apple of your eye,” it means you like him/her. It's possible that this metaphor was created by a Victorian-age dude who needed a sexy-yet-chaperone-approved euphemism for the ladies. In which case, it’s totally dirty! Or is it? I’m so confused.

4. “Easy as pie.”

Unless this has a hidden meaning (Pie was the name of some 18^th century bad girl?), it’s likely that this phrase refers to the fact that baking a pie—a seemingly difficult task today—was actually easy compared to dying of the plague, once the world's second most common pastime. But this phrase’s similarity to the term “piece of cake” also leads me to believe that the “easiness” might have more to do with eating than with preparing. Wait, let me test my theory.

(Two hours later.) Yes! Proven! It’s fantastically easy to eat both cake and pie! It’s equally easy to eat chicken nuggets, of course, but “easy as chicken nuggets” just sounds kinda gross.

5. “Get cold feet.”

This term is mainly used to describe a bride or groom’s feelings the night before their wedding. I know it’s not literal, because when I get nervous my feet don't change temperature. Maybe it's an offshoot of “frozen with fear,” which turned into “frozen with nervousness," which, due to the weird health problems of some linguist, led to "feet frozen with nervousness," then "cold feet.” There, solved. Still stupid, but solved. Next!

6. “To rub someone the wrong way.”

Here’s what will happen if you use this phrase around someone who’s never heard it before:

You: That teacher is really rubbing me the wrong way.

Stupid person: Oh. My. GOD. I’m calling the police!

You: Why?

Stupid person: He's like 40!

You: What does that have to do with—AGGH, gross! Not what I meant! Stupid phrase, I should’ve listened to SparkNotes!

Stupid person: Park goats? Cool.

And then it's awkward. This phrase should only be used in a literal sense, when you’re talking about either cats or those weird velvet couches—you know, the ones that turn lighter or darker depending on which direction you rub them. Those couches are almost as ridiculous as this terrible phrase.

What weird phrases do you find annoying? We’d really appreciate it if someone would explain “the cat’s out of the bag.”