My Homecoming Flirt Fail

Your flirting skills seem pretty solid to us, PolarBearZombie. We think you'll have a date in no time! —Sparkitors

It's that time of year again: the time when girls freak out about finding the perfect dresses and guys start the agonizing process of finding a date for the dance. Yes, it is indeed time for waterboarding—oh, whoops, did I say waterboarding?  I meant homecoming. Sorry about that.

If you, like me, don't have the good fortune of having a guaranteed date to homecoming,  you know that waiting to get asked can be a nightmare. Case in point: after months of working on my telepathic skills, I've realized that I can't subconsciously force my crush to ask me, which means I'm going to have to go about this the normal way: through flirting.

My adventures in the flirting world have been...well, let's just say they've been pretty limited. I've read Auntie's amazing guide multiple times and have been practicing my mad skills in the mirror, but somehow nothing ever turns out right when I try to put my techniques to use on an actual human being.  Here's a look at some of my recent failures.

The approach: I compliment my crush and make him feel needed, but don't resort to the "I'm a ditzy idiot" ploy.
The attack: "Hey, Aaron, I'm normally really good at math, but for whatever reason I'm not getting this equation. Since you're practically a Math God, would you mind helping me?"
The reaction: My unwitting friend jumps in with a "Oh, I did this, here, I can help you!" I smile and say thank you while silently screaming "Can't you see I'm getting my flirt on here!?!?"

The approach: I try to catch his eye and  give him the look.
The attack: I covertly gaze at him and hope I don't look like a maniac with a peripheral vision problem.
The reaction: Every once in a while he ends up looking my way, but it's not enough to spark a fire of love. I don't take the lack of attention personally, as I can see he's busy teaching half the room calculus.

The approach: I eat lunch with his group in hopes of striking up interesting conversations that will make him realize he should ask me to homecoming.
The attack: I stare down at my pizza and panic. This is getting me nowhere.
The reaction: In my head, I come off as brilliant and witty, but in reality I'm just a nervous mess who ends up sitting in silence and occasionally contributing a few chuckles to the conversation.

Basically, my efforts have thus far have resulted in failure, but I've still got some time before the dance to perfect my flirting technique. Oh, and Aaron, if you happen to be reading this: please just makes things easier for everyone and ask me.

ASK HER, YOU FOOL! Anyone out there got any foolproof flirting tips?

Related post: Blogging My Sadie Hawkins Fail