Auntie SparkNotes: Overcoming Homecoming

Nothing's cuter than Manklers, unless it's shy Manklers! —Sparkitors

Well, if your inbox isn't fully flooded already with a whole lot of hollering home-comers, then I hope you can help me with my dreadful multi-dimensional dilemma. Pardon the alliterations, but I am in dire need of some sort of direction regarding the homecoming dance for my school.

I can essentially do one of four things for the dance: I can ask this girl I "admire," I can ask somebody else, I can go to the dance alone, or I can go with my parents to an uncle's wedding across the country (a legitimate excuse to miss the dance).

I am a high school freshman in all honors classes who is both self-confident and (admittedly) socially awkward. I generally don't like meeting new people, and the last time I had a friend who was a girl was in preschool. It's not like I am mean or totally weird or 'ugly', in fact, I think I am quite nice and handsome, it's just that being social is not my strong suit. That being said, I know how important it is to meet new people and go a little out of your comfort zone in a high school of 3,000 people. So I am left with a dilemma.

Here is the four choices as I see them.
1: Bite the bullet and ask "that girl that was almost my friend a few years ago who is probably out of my league" to homecoming, I'd say high-risk high-reward option.
2: Take the more conservative but still difficult option of finding somebody else (but who?) to ask to the dance
3: Risk three hours of sitting and drinking punch and just go without any partner in hopes that it will work out for the better.
4: Bail out and go to the wedding. It gives me some time to actually find a girlfriend before asking one to a dance AND it prevents the worst-case-scenario of a nervous breakdown in front of everybody (I have had a history of anxiety and that kind of stuff). However, it certainly doesn't help me socially, and if I don't get my feet wet I'll never find a girlfriend.

None of the options are perfect, but I hope to pick one soon, before the deadline comes (hope you don't mind double-entendres) dancing on by. All I need of you is a little advice, direction, or at least constructive criticism. Thanks so much for your time!

Unfortunately, Sparkler, I'm probably getting to your letter with less than 48 hours to go before your homecoming dance, which means that my advice will be either too late (oh noes!) or totally unnecessary since you've already figured things out very nicely on your own (fingers crossed for this one).

However! On the off chance that there's another shy dude suffering from the same problem—or for future reference, because hey, there will be other dances—here's some advice all the same.

Piece of Advice #1: Relax. Yeah, I know, it's easier said than done, particularly when we're talking about the all-important high school tradition of autumnal post-football-game rump-shaking. But once you're using terms like "high-risk reward" to discuss your date options, you are officially overthinking it. Keep it in perspective. You're not looking to invade China; you're just trying to find someone you'll enjoy spending time with on a Saturday night.

And now that you're not burning out your head trying to work out the statistical likelihood of getting a yes from the girl you have in mind...

Piece of Advice #2: Just ask the girl you have in mind. Not because she's guaranteed to say yes, but because you have her in mind. And if you know you want something, then casting about for other, easier options just because you're afraid of rejection is the best way to feel dissatisfied and what-iffy. You can handle rejection. Human beings are incredibly well-equipped to deal with the regret of trying and failing to achieve something. But the regret of not having tried? Total soul-killer, and much harder to get over. So your best bet—and not just in this case, but also with college applications, spring musical auditions, athletic team tryouts, or any other thing you aspire to that seems like a reach—is to go for it.

And finally, if don't get what you want, and for future reference when you're working out your social options:

Piece of Advice #3: Know yourself. Fortunately for you, you seem to have a pretty good handle on this one already. You know you're shy and prone to anxiety, and you find it challenging to make new friends, but you also don't want to be a slave to social awkwardness. So if, for instance, your first-choice date says no, then you should be able to work out pretty easily which of your remaining options will let you have the best time—and without attaching any more significance to it than that. There's no need to stake your future on one dance. If you think you can go with some friends and still have fun, do it. If you find yourself dreading the idea, then sit this one out while resolving to spread your social wings in a less-pressured situation. Heck, you can even show up, give yourself an hour to see what's what, and then leave if you're not having fun. You are your own master! All you have to do is know how you feel, and act accordingly.

Oh, and here's one last tip: for every shy, socially-awkward guy, there's usually a gregarious, brassy girl nearby who'd love to help him come out of his shell. (Particularly if he's handsome.) So when you're wondering, "Who?," try making eye contact with that confident loudmouth who keeps looking your way—and when the next dance comes around, she'll probably ask you.

Got any more advice for our shy Mankler? Leave it in the comments! And to ask Auntie a question, send an email to advice@sparknotes.com.