Why Life is Better with a Car

miki-the-rainbow, you've got a dangerous mind. And we dig that about you. —Sparkitors

Ah, cars: those giant, gas-guzzling machines that are slowly killing our planet. I can't WAIT until I'm old enough to drive one! There are so many cool things about cruisin' around in a car—here are just a few!

1. You’ll never be late for anything, because you can drive yourself. Anyone else sick of waiting for their pain-in-pant-seat siblings to wake up every morning? I'm almost always late for school, and although I'm usually ecstatic about missing class, it's getting pretty old to have to sneak in during the morning announcements. If I had my own car, I could arrive on time and in style. Added bonus: said car can also be used to smash through annoying sibling’s bedroom wall, if an alarm clock fails to wake him/her.

2. You can never get run over in a car. Remember all that road safety junk you learned in kindergarten? Bin it! Having a car means you don’t have to waste time being a pedestrian!

3. Car = boat. I learned two things from the movie Chitty Chitty Bang Bang: 1. Never trust ice cream truck drivers who dress like clowns, and 2. Driving your car into the ocean isn't dangerous at all. You won't sink: big inflatable things will just transform your vehicle into a sea-farin' floater!

4. You can go on road trips. Don’t you dare say that you’ve never dreamed about going on a road trip, because everyone has, and YOU’RE A LIAR! Just picture this: you and a couple of friends riding in a super cool convertible, the wind in your faces, your hair blowing backwards in a messy-but-glamorous way, your favorite song blasting on the radio, and a whole lotta fast food ... yep, you’re all set for a day dripping in awesomesauce!

5. You can drive through drive-thrus. Squee, right?! Gosh, it is so annoying having to actually move to get my food. If I had a car, then POW! A cheeseburger would be in my hands instantly, as if by magic.

6. Car/boat = house! Anyone who hasn’t spent the night in a car hasn’t lived. All you have to do is round up some blankets, pillows, and your skeptical parents' permission, and you're all set to recline in your driver's seat and get a good night's sleep.

7. You can film action sequences in your car. Watch a few James Bond movies for inspiration, then prop a video camera up on the hood of your car, hop into the driver’s seat, and pretend you're smack-dab in the middle of a life-threatening situation. For even more fun, ask someone to hold the camera for you so that you can film yourself dramatically jumping out of the car window.

8. You can stick your arm out the window while you drive and slap pedestrians in the face. Yes, I’ve saved the best for last. I’ve never slapped anyone in the face, but I imagine it to be quite hilarious. To slap multiple people while protected by moving vehicle, it's just ... like, there goes my brain, exploding with the comedic possibilities.

Yeah, we can't really endorse that last one, but the rest of the reasons seem pretty solid! Any other perks of having a car?

Related post: In the Future, Your Car Will Be Awesome