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Hilarious Quotes—by Teachers?!

Hilarious Quotes—by Teachers?!

It's official, flyergirl13: you have the best teachers EVER. —Sparkitors

Has a teacher ever made you laugh so hard that you fell onto the floor and lay there, covered in dirt and dust and ABC gum, gasping for breath like a fish out of water ? No? Well, if you haven't had a classroom experience involving uncontrollable hysteria, you probably need to switch schools. My teachers are constantly cracking me up. Here are some  of the gems they've passed along.

APUSH teacher: "Why do we go to school?"
Student: "To learn?"
Teacher: "No. We go to school to WIN."

APUSH teacher: "If you do not read every essay question three times, I will set you on fire." *pulls lighter out of desk, lights it and grins manically*

World History teacher: "I know some teachers don't like them, but personally, I think Book Sox are the best thing since sharpened pencils."

Art teacher: "You may not touch my paper cutter. It is...*slams giant blade down, everyone jumps*...dangerous."

Art teacher: "I'll sneak you into the teacher's lounge to buy some candy at the vending machine. Pretend to be invisible."
Student: *yells to friend down the hall* "Hey, guess what! We're invisible!"

History teacher (to student with earbuds in): "Hey, you know, there seems to be something burrowing in your ear...I'd really get that looked at if I were you, it could be lethal."

Student: "I have a question. It's kinda stupid, but..."
Chemistry teacher: "There's no such thing as a stupid question. Only inquisitive idiots."

History teacher: "Here's a way for us to study Hammurabi's Code. I have written a code along with some punishments for us."
Student: "But..."
History teacher: "Number 4: No speaking without being called on. Five pushups with a textbook on your back."

English teacher: "You can draw an illustration for this chapter about the whales' journey."
Student: "Can we use stick figures?"
English teacher: "How do you plan on drawing a stick whale?"

Gym teacher: "Does anyone know what was the point of that activity?"
Student: "To have fun?"
Gym teacher: "No. To teach you what it feels like to fail in front of your entire class."

Math Teacher: "I've taught logarithms for six periods straight. Today, we're going to learn the correct way to eat an Oreo."

Science teacher: "Here's an extra credit assignment. You can do it to get ahead. Who's ahead?"
Student: "Us?"
Science teacher: "No, lettuce. Lettuce is a head."

Chemistry teacher: "The Noble Gases are like the popular clique. They are arrogant and do not usually react with others. They think they're too cool, just because they have no valence electrons."

French teacher: "Today, we'll go online to look at some French websites and get a firsthand glimpse of French culture. By the way, the first French Club meeting is tomorrow. Who would like to volunteer to make a poster for the French Club?"
*silence*
French teacher: "Okay...No one. [pause] I've changed my mind. Today we'll study the irregular past participles and then have a quiz. Books out, everyone."

Geometry teacher: "A conditional statement is the basic tool of logic. Its form is 'if a, then b'. For example, 'If Kevin could stay awake in class, then he might actually pass the next test'."
Kevin: *snores*

Those were HILARIOUS. Anyone else have some epic teacher quotes to share?

Related post: The SparkNotes Guide to Teacher Appreciation Gifts

Topics: School
Tags: teachers, high school, ap classes, funny things

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