The Best Excuses for Skipping Homecoming

A high school Homecoming is really about three things:

1. Showing school spirit.

2. Cementing the place of football players and cheerleaders in the social hierarchy.

3. Dragging yourself to a gymnasium festooned in decorations to make it look like anything but a gymnasium, though it still looks like a gymnasium, and dancing to D.J. Gary's idea of "hip music."

For some people, Homecoming is a rite of passage, a cherished and hallowed tradition that embodies all that is special about high school. These are the people who will make you feel like a steaming turd when you want to skip Homecoming. When confronted with Homecoming peer pressure, keep these ten little white lies in your back pocket:

• I'm too busy practicing my jump rope skillz.
• I seriously have to wash my hair—over and over and over again. I tried to dye it Red Copper, and it came out Tahitian Sunrise.
• An ingrown toenail has made my dazzling dance moves temporarily unavailable.
• I'm a practicing Wiccan and my family's Mabon family potluck is that night.
• I'm going to another school's Homecoming.
• I've got some BAM!ming to do.
• I just had an eye exam, and I'm afraid the glare off the Homecoming Queen's tiara will cause blindness.
• I'll be busy writing new Harry Potter-themed Christmas carols. Only 94 days!
• It's my bocce ball league night.
• My hay fever will make posing in front of the decorative tableau of hay bales and football gear uncomfortable and potentially dangerous.

How do you feel about Homecoming? Skip or attend?