Blogging My Family Movie Night

SpacemanSpiff777, your family sounds EXACTLY like this ed's. Which is to say, hilarious, amazing, and, on occasion, indescribably annoying. You gotta love 'em!—Sparkitors

There’s nothing like spending some quality time with your family. But when you’ve been looking forward to the evening’s airing of The Sorcerer’s Stone and your newbie parents decide to join you, things can get a little dicey. Want proof? Read on.

ME: *snuggles into sofa with big bowl of chocolate pudding*

MOM: What are we watching?

ME: *grumbles* Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

DAD: Again?

ME: It’s Harry Potter Weekend.

MOM: *settles into chair* You like these movies.

ME: Yep.

TV: "You’re a wizard, Harry!"

DAD: So what did you do today? *walks into kitchen, turns on all of the lights that I just turned off*

MOM: Well, I blah blah blahhed this morning, and then I blahhed for a while, and went to Blah’s house to blah, and then I blaaaaaahhhed.

ME:*turns volume to obnoxious level in a futile attempt to drown out their conversation*

TV: "Vault seven hundred and thirteen!"

MOM: Do you think that’s Mini-Me?

DAD: What’s that?

ME: Griphook?

MOM: You know all the Harry Potter trivia, don’t you?

DAD: What’s going on?

MOM: She knows all the trivia.

DAD: *clears his throat for no apparent reason*

TV:  "—swears he got a bogey-flavored one once."

MOM: Hear that, they say “bogey”!

ME: Yep.

TV: "You’re saying it wrong.  It’s wingardium leviosa, not leviosaaah!"

MOM: What was in that little package, do you remember?

ME: *facepalm* The Sorcerer’s Stone.

MOM: Oh, right.

MOM: Hey, doesn’t he have a face under that hat?

ME: *Looks at Quirrel* Yeah, he does.

DAD: What’s going on?

MOM: Does—doesn’t he have a face on the back of his hat?  Under—on the back of his hat?  A face?

DAD: Oh, I don’t know, I think so.

ME: YES!  Voldemort’s face is in his hat!

TV: "UGGGH! Troll bogeys."

MOM: They say “bogeys,” see, because they’re English.

ME: Really? We just went over this.

TV: *Snape appears*

MOM: *Snickers* He’s such a nerd.

ME: *drops pudding spoon* Wha…what’d you say?

MOM: He’s such a nerd!

ME: *pretends that never happened*

DAD: What’s going on?

TV: "I don’t remember.  Took a bludger to the head two minutes in, woke up in the hospital a week later."

DAD: Are those the, uh, Weasley twins?

MOM: The redheads?

ME: *facepalm*

MOM: Did you know, honey, that the one guy is also in that other movie? The guy? The handsome person?

ME: Cedric Diggory, Mom.  I know he’s in Twilight.

MOM: Right, Cedric Pattinson. Did you know he’s—

TV: "Hagrid’s always wanted a dragon, he told me so the first time I met him!"

ME: *turns up volume*

MOM: Did you know he’s descended from the real Count Dracula?

ME: *turns slowly and stares at mom with utter incredulity* What?

MOM: He’s descended from the real Count Dracula and the Royal Family—

ME: The real Count Dracula?

MOM: Yes, the real Count.

ME: Oh god.

DAD: Who are you talking about?

ME: Hey look, it's the end!

DAD: Where are you going?

MOM: You’re tired of us already?

And....SCENE.

Is your family JUST LIKE THIS? We want to hear all about it, in painful detail.

Related post: A Guide To Hanging Out With Your Parents